Jasons log

[Jasonshamwr11]

Hello all,
A bit of background about myself, I'm 30 years old I am a father to 4 young children and I am from the UK.

I have always had a bad relationship with food, I have never been thin or at least in a good way, I had a stint of homelessness at 15 and avoiding authorities I sofa surfed at friends houses thus not really eating much resulting in me being around 11 stone with absolutely zero muscle and no energy whatsoever.

Besides from that hiccup I have always been a fat guy haha, I am currently 18 stone at 5ft10.

I have had so many negative experiences being bigger right from a young age contemplating life in my younger years at an age where I should have been digging up worms because I was bullied quite literally almost to death right up until the beginning of this year blaming my wife's lack of intimacy and affection on me being fat instead of realizing the way I am mainly around my weight and eating habits made everyone around me completely miserable.

So what are my biggest problems? Well firstly I ruin every meal I have ever shared with family for the last 10 years, refusing to just relax and eat food and enjoy the evening because I was terrified I would gain weight, it didnt matter really because I would just wait until I got home and binge about 4000 kcals worth of chocolate and cake and whatever else was quick and easy to consume anyway.

Secondly I have pretty bad health related anxiety, I go to sleep most nights sweating with an elevated heart rate and jump every time I slip off to sleep for a few hours before I eventually get too exhausted to stay awake. What does food have to do with this? Well a lot of it is acid reflux and a heavy bloated feeling making me feel like my heart is going to explode in my chest the moment I lie down, y'know all things that can be avoided if I didn't eat 4000 kcals worth of crap before bed.

Anyway enough of the negative stuff, how is no s helping me? Currently it is giving me a sense of control over what I eat, it's allowing me to eat pretty much whatever I want as long as it fits on the plate and it isn't classed as a sweet treat, I haven't yet but I will at some point make room in that last rule for eating things like a croissant with eggs etc at some point I don't do it often but my wife eats sort of like that and makes me food sometimes.

This will be my log not even to keep myself accountable but to get it out in a place where I can share positives and negatives of my day regarding food as well as some random thoughts, I have been doing no s for a little over a week now.

Today has been a good day.

B. Two slices of toast with butter.
L. Myprotein ready meal chicken curry and rice
D. Potato croquettes 3 sausages, baked beans and an egg
(I eat very typical working class British btw, boring stodgy food haha)

Gym session:
20 minutes on the treadmill walking at an incline of 5
35 minutes of various weightlifting machines

I'm very new to the gym in my second week and I'm very nervous atm but I'm getting there.

Hope everyone is well.

[Amy3010]

Welcome, Jason. I hope No-S brings you a sense of peace around food!

[MaggieMae]

Welcome,Jason! I'm also hoping to find peace with food. Sounds like you're off to a great start!

[Soprano]

Welcome Jason

What a great start, we are here to support you. I'm confident you will succeed

Jx

[Jasonshamwr11]

Yesterday was sort of a good day?

B. 2 eggs, 2 toast with butter
L. Myprotein ready meal meatball marinara
D. Quarter pounder with fries and a chocolate milkshake (this is where I'm unsure if it fits no s)

But I will take victories in the form of no snacking, bingeing or feeling guilty, as well as sticking to 3 square meals.

Thank you for such a warm welcome.

[Soprano]

That milkshake is questionable but really not as important as 3 meals at this stage.

Well done