Maggie's 2026 Thread
Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2026 11:45 am
I just looked back at some of my first check in entries from 2018 (or so) and the last few entries from 2020. I wanted to start fresh. This is going to be a long rambling diary entry, I'm afraid. I won't be offended if no one reads this. Just some thoughts I need to get out.
In 2021, I hit my highest of 219. I kept trying keto. I bounced around between other things, too, but I kept trying to make keto work.
In 2022, I counted calories using My Fitness Pal and got down to 199. Yay! Onderland!
In 2023, I kept gaining and losing the same 5 pounds over and over. I was always laying in bed. Multiple Sclerosis was causing leg/hip/back pain. Exercise was pretty impossible. Pilates was my only thing,and it eventually got to where I couldn't do that either.
April 2023, joined Weight Watchers as a last resort to see if losing weight helped decrease pain. I signed a ten month contract and told myself I would do it for ten months since I was paying for it. So, I wouldn't stop or deviate to another diet. I lost down to 167 , pretty quickly, actually. I maintained upper 160's to mid 170's until fall of 2024. Then crept up to 180's. Now I've spent 2026 in the 190's . I think I'm around 193 or so right now. I haven't weighed myself this week.
I started perimenopause around January 2024 , right after hitting my low weight of 167. I started feeling the pressure of constant restriction and started taking Saturdays off from tracking. I was actually still pretty much maintaining. Then I decided to also take off Wednesdays. And then Wednesdays turned into binges....entire bags of chocolate covered caramels, or entire boxes of pop tarts. Still not able to exercise.
2025, I finally got my back looked at. I had a bulging disc. Recieved a few steroid injections. They helped but not completely. Spent last summer getting acupuncture. It helped , but then my foot started giving me problems and messed my back up. Long story short, I am now seeing a podiatrist and that seemed to be the missing piece. Back is much better now.
Anyway, in January , I started to feel crazy around food and very exhausted of tracking points. I was losing as long as I was perfect on the plan. But if I wanted to eat something high in points, it made me feel like I should just eat everything, get it all out of my system and start over the next day. Feeling out of control. I took a few months off weight watchers, and ironically dropped a few pounds. I decided I was mentally ready to try and again and signed a new one year contract just a few weeks ago. I am regretting it. I am up about five pounds because that same feeling of restriction/rebellion/binge eating has already returned. Everyone says you can eat what you want, but no . No, you can't. A big cookie from a bakery is 400 calories, and 20 points. I only get 23 points a day. So, if I want a treat with my son I use almost all of my daily points. I've been watching calories,and if I stick to my points, I hit from 900-1200 calories for the day. No wonder I lost so much weight so quickly when I was sticking to the plan perfectly!
Anyway, this leads me to now. I am crazy around food. I feel so out of control. From a moral standpoint , I have definitely become a glutton. My thoughts are always on food....what am I going to eat next. Daydreaming about food. Eating way too much even when I'm not hungry. I'm thinking this all stems from restriction. I decided two days ago on Monday, let's not track anything. Let's not worry about calories. Lets just get some self control. Of course, No S popped in my head. Monday and Tuesday were great! Green days! I planned delicious, filling meals and in between I tried to keep myself busy. I have not been on the Weigh Watchers app. As much as I would love to get back down into the 170's, I just want to achieve peace with food. Eating normally. Not stressing about what I'm going to eat if I go to brunch or a birthday party. I just want to choose the food that looks good, enjoy it, and get on with life. Not constantly thinking " you shouldn't be eating that". You'll have to have chicken breast and broccoli for dinner to make up for this".
Sorry, I know this was a whole lot of rambling. I'm just so tired. Tired of the food noise. Tired of feeling like a failure. Tired of stuffing myself like I'm on death row and this is my last meals because tomorrow I'm starting over and am determined to be perfect for the rest of my life. I really enjoyed eating the last few days because of No S. I want to focus on habits, not weight loss. I want to lose the food obsession. I wish I hadn't signed that contract with WW. Expensvie lesson.
In 2021, I hit my highest of 219. I kept trying keto. I bounced around between other things, too, but I kept trying to make keto work.
In 2022, I counted calories using My Fitness Pal and got down to 199. Yay! Onderland!
In 2023, I kept gaining and losing the same 5 pounds over and over. I was always laying in bed. Multiple Sclerosis was causing leg/hip/back pain. Exercise was pretty impossible. Pilates was my only thing,and it eventually got to where I couldn't do that either.
April 2023, joined Weight Watchers as a last resort to see if losing weight helped decrease pain. I signed a ten month contract and told myself I would do it for ten months since I was paying for it. So, I wouldn't stop or deviate to another diet. I lost down to 167 , pretty quickly, actually. I maintained upper 160's to mid 170's until fall of 2024. Then crept up to 180's. Now I've spent 2026 in the 190's . I think I'm around 193 or so right now. I haven't weighed myself this week.
I started perimenopause around January 2024 , right after hitting my low weight of 167. I started feeling the pressure of constant restriction and started taking Saturdays off from tracking. I was actually still pretty much maintaining. Then I decided to also take off Wednesdays. And then Wednesdays turned into binges....entire bags of chocolate covered caramels, or entire boxes of pop tarts. Still not able to exercise.
2025, I finally got my back looked at. I had a bulging disc. Recieved a few steroid injections. They helped but not completely. Spent last summer getting acupuncture. It helped , but then my foot started giving me problems and messed my back up. Long story short, I am now seeing a podiatrist and that seemed to be the missing piece. Back is much better now.
Anyway, in January , I started to feel crazy around food and very exhausted of tracking points. I was losing as long as I was perfect on the plan. But if I wanted to eat something high in points, it made me feel like I should just eat everything, get it all out of my system and start over the next day. Feeling out of control. I took a few months off weight watchers, and ironically dropped a few pounds. I decided I was mentally ready to try and again and signed a new one year contract just a few weeks ago. I am regretting it. I am up about five pounds because that same feeling of restriction/rebellion/binge eating has already returned. Everyone says you can eat what you want, but no . No, you can't. A big cookie from a bakery is 400 calories, and 20 points. I only get 23 points a day. So, if I want a treat with my son I use almost all of my daily points. I've been watching calories,and if I stick to my points, I hit from 900-1200 calories for the day. No wonder I lost so much weight so quickly when I was sticking to the plan perfectly!
Anyway, this leads me to now. I am crazy around food. I feel so out of control. From a moral standpoint , I have definitely become a glutton. My thoughts are always on food....what am I going to eat next. Daydreaming about food. Eating way too much even when I'm not hungry. I'm thinking this all stems from restriction. I decided two days ago on Monday, let's not track anything. Let's not worry about calories. Lets just get some self control. Of course, No S popped in my head. Monday and Tuesday were great! Green days! I planned delicious, filling meals and in between I tried to keep myself busy. I have not been on the Weigh Watchers app. As much as I would love to get back down into the 170's, I just want to achieve peace with food. Eating normally. Not stressing about what I'm going to eat if I go to brunch or a birthday party. I just want to choose the food that looks good, enjoy it, and get on with life. Not constantly thinking " you shouldn't be eating that". You'll have to have chicken breast and broccoli for dinner to make up for this".
Sorry, I know this was a whole lot of rambling. I'm just so tired. Tired of the food noise. Tired of feeling like a failure. Tired of stuffing myself like I'm on death row and this is my last meals because tomorrow I'm starting over and am determined to be perfect for the rest of my life. I really enjoyed eating the last few days because of No S. I want to focus on habits, not weight loss. I want to lose the food obsession. I wish I hadn't signed that contract with WW. Expensvie lesson.
! Yay! I feel so happy. Enjoying the food I'm eating. It feels good to be in control,and not feeling like a failure because I fell off plan or ate a "forbidden food". I feel more like myself. Brain power is being used on things other than calorie counting/meal planning,etc. Focusing on habit instead of weight/appearance is doing my mind and self esteem a world of good. I'm still trying to get the feel for how the bulletin boards work again .... Seeing the most recent posts and how to see the latest check in updates.
. Then we will stay with my brother until Sunday afternoon. Looking forward to enjoy the celebration, including cake 
. My sister in law is a great cook. It will be nice to enjoy the food without estimating points or skipping dessert. I usually weigh myself on the first of the month (other times, too,but definitely on the first) and today I was 194.0. That's up three pounds from April 1, but I've really dropped a pound and a half since last Saturday. The binge eating the last month from weight watchers restriction had caused a gain of almost five pounds. So we'll say 194.0 is my "starting weight" for this round of No S. But as much as I'd like to be under 180, I mainly have got to get my food addiction/obsession under control. I think I wanted to eat yesterday because of stress. my husband's car was in the shop. Picked it up yesterday and was just supposed to get my car's oil changed and it turned into needing some things. So between both cars, we're looking at close to $5000 worth of repairs. Ugh. Plus I'm nervous about this trip out of town ( big gatherings like graduations are stressful for me because my son has autism). But we'll survive. We always do.
my nephew and his girlfriend was in town for the day and they stopped by my mom's house on their way out of town to visit. We drove over there to see them and lo and behold,my mom had made her famous peanut butter no bake cookies. Half of my mind was on the conversation and the other half was thinking "you can't resist those" "you can freeze some and have them Saturday" "just have some. They're special". Ugh 
. When everyone started getting some, I caved. I was so disappointed in myself. If it had been anything else, I really think I could have said no, but these were my favorites and she doesn't make them very often. Going to mark it as a red day and keep on keeping on. I WILL get a green day today. It's Cinco de Mayo and also Taco Tuesday, so I will be making soft tacos with ground turkey, and taco seasoned rice. I no longer drink alcohol so I got some all natural limeade to have a margarita vibe. It will be a delicious meal worth waiting for. 
