Everyday Systems

S DAY

W: 229 (still hovering)

B: Atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

L: Steak n Shake Frisco Melt with cheese fries (so bad for me, but we have so much stress right now I don't care)

S: a little rice krispee treat and a packet of dried apple chips (no sugar added)

D: half a bowl of cheese tortellini with red sauce and shaved parmesan + red pepper flakes + 1 apple + 1 garlic knot + a shot of creamed spinach (Which I loathe, but I was trying to set a good example, lol)

A: 1 serving Honey Whiskey

This morning, we're heading to the house we're trying to buy to meet a painter, our contractor, and a hardscaper yo figure out estimates for all the work that must be done. I'm nervous as hell. I'm so scared it's all going to cost too much for us to take it on.

All the house stuff was...a LOT. We were there for HOURS going over all that needed to be done with a contractor, a painter, and a hardscaper (sounds like the set up for a joke). We're starting to think this might be too much to take on, but we'll have to see what the estimates are and also what the seller is willing to do price-wise. If we can get her down low enough, this could still work out.

We are putting our own house up for sale on Monday and that is WILD. There is a world in which this house sells and we're not in our next house yet. Thankfully, my mother in law with early-onset Alzheimer's is not living in her house anymore and we haven't sold hers yet. So worst comes to worst, we can live in her house for a bit, but it's in another city, so it would create a huge commute for us until we could get into the next house.

SO MUCH STRESS. And also...still family horribleness going on and work stuff heating up with spring semester rocketing toward graduation weekend (Which means I have lots of events to put on). I am...trying to listen to Disney music and just zone out right now.

You have so much going on right now! I hope things calm down for you soon. I feel much the same as you, like Im not really ok, but I have to keep on going as there is no alternative.

I hope you were able to enjoy your S day and that the estimates were in your price range!

Do you get Spring Break? At my community college next week is Spring Break and everything calms down for a week.

Thanks, Pink. At my college where I work, only students and faculty get spring break, and it was a couple of weeks ago. But it was nice to have my building to myself then, haha. I wish I could take a solid month off work. But I can't. I'm sorry you feel like you're not okay. I DO understand and I empathize. I hope for everyone who's struggling, life calms down a bit.

So with the estimates, we won't get them until Wednesday most likely. Then we'll need to seriously look at a cost reduction on this place because it needs a TON of work. Like, a TON. It's a historic house built in the 1930s and the owner has done nothing to fix problems. Just slapped bandaid fixes on things. So... We have to make sure we cna afford to take it on, lol. Not an easy decision.

S DAY

W: 229.4

B/S: from scratch blueberry pancakes (3) + sugar free syrup

L/S: from scratch blueberry pancakes (3) + sugar free syrup + most of a banana

A: Seagrams Escapes drink (a single can)

S: A tiny amount of cookies and cream ice cream with my daughter

D/S: (I had seconds) 2 beef empanadas that my husband cooked, medium hot salsa + corn chips + spicy pickled okra + a bit of guacamole

S: air popped popcorn with flavoring oil with my husband while we watched an Akira Kurosawa film

Today, I'm feeling weak. I am exhausted. I am so tired. I wish I could follow intuitive and mindful Eating to lose my weight. But I know my boundaries around food are solid and necessary. I'm just feeling weak today and that's okay. Today, I don't have to like it. I just have to do it.

I am so tempted to go back to the Geneen Roth eating guidelines today. But I honestly think it's just that I want to EAT. I don't feel satisfied today. I want to eat everything in sight.

I ended up eating a whole lot today, but I didn't break rules and it feels good to be able to say that. Definitely had more Ses than usual, but I am happy with my choices and I know some days, you're just hungrier than others.

Well done on sticking to what you know you need to do, even if you really didn't feel like it!

F DAY

W: 229.2

B: Atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

L: Chicago Dog Bowl: 2 beef hot dogs + white onion + pepperoncini peppers + bell peppers + pickles + relish + air fried potatoes + celery salt

Afternoon Snack: dill pickle chips, dill pickles, 1 beef stick

D: apple, spicy pickled okra, 1 beef empanada, salsa, some corn chips

Tentatively, we are putting our current home up for sale today. I'm so impatient, I just want to get it going. No word yet. Ahhhhhh. Yesterday was a more restful day and I'm so thankful. Today, I've tried to get some work done, but I am BEAT still. I'm so tired.

I have definitively changed my goal weight to 140. After scouring photos of myself at that weight, good enough is GOOD ENOUGH. I don't have to weigh what I weighed when we got married (125) to be successful with my weight loss journey. Getting down to 140 would STILL be a weight loss of 102.4 pounds which is THOROUGHLY difficult enough in its own right. I am not going to give up. I'm going to start being MUCH stricter about my meals at home. They should be down to 1 plate or 1 bowl + a bowl of veggies/fruit. I've been lax on that requirement for sure.

So tired. OMG. I just want to go home and do nothing. But daughter has gymnastics tonight. At least during gymnastics, I have an hour to sit and do whatever I want.

I've been dealing with binge urges for three days, so I reached out to my dietitian for help. She recommended I allow an afternoon snack on days I'm experiencing lots of binge urges and food noise. I agreed with her, so my new food boundaries look like this:

1) N Days - I eat 3 meals + 1 snack if needed
2) S Days - I can enjoy S treats as long as I'm with family or friends
3) I can only eat fast food if I'm with at least 1 other adult
4) At home, I eat according to the Healthy Plate

So really the only thing that changed was what N days look like. This is a hard rule for me to shift, because I want so desperately to lose weight. But shutting up food noise and being sane around food is ALWAYS my top priority. So I'm going to go for this and report to my dietitian on April 6th how it's going.

Sure enough, the afternoon snack (which included a food I was craving) did shut up the food noise and the binge urge. My dietitian knows her stuff. I'm going to work hard at food sanity. There's an old 12 Stepper saying: Focus on your recovery and you'll lose the weight. Focuse on the weight and you'll lose your recovery. I'm not strictly in OA anymore, but those folks do know their stuff sometimes.

My ULTIMATE goal with eating is to eventually get to where I am following my OWN rules and my OWN inner body cues. I want to follow hunger/fullness cues and eat intuitively. But! I know that's the Advanced Course. I'm in the preliminary courses right now and I know that's going to take time, but that is my ultimate graduate level goal with eating and food.

I think that is where we all want to end up eventually - not having to think about all of this so much and be able to trust our own body's wisdom...

Amy3010 wrote: Tue Mar 24, 2026 6:27 am I think that is where we all want to end up eventually - not having to think about all of this so much and be able to trust our own body's wisdom...

Yes!! This exactly. I don't want to have "systems" forever.

N DAY

W: 230.4

Arg. I have basically just maintained all of March and that is a bummer. I'm happy I'm not actively gaining weight, but it's still hard.

B: Atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

L: fish sticks + hot sauce + sour cream and onion Pringles + apple + spicy pickled okra. (definitely a large comfort meal, but I don't care. See reasons below)

D: beef empanada + salsa and a few chips + apple + pickled okra + dried apple chips

I am feeling very nervous about the addition of an afternoon snack. But I do trust my dietitian more than I trust myself and she has my very best interests at heart. Plus she's amazing and we've been working together for a long time. I did some research: an afternoon snack can help with hunger and make it so that you eat less at dinner. It is also helpful to pack in more nutrition into your day. I'm going to give it an earnest try and see how it goes.

I am feeling HORRIBLE about having that snack yesterday. I feel like I caved in to the binge pressures. Even though it wasn't a binge and even though my dietitian said it was alright, I feel like I broke my boundaries. I don't feel good about it. I feel terrible. But I can't decide if snubbing the afternoon snack is orthorexic, or just discipline. I feel very confused and unsure about what to do. I want to be a normal eater and I know even normal eaters have snacks. But I am just...deflated today. My stress is maxed out today and I am feeling so beaten down by life that I'm not sure what to do about my food boundaries.

I stuck to my boundaries all through February and early March when stress was also at an all-time high. Maybe yesterday I was just weak? Maybe I should just mark it red and move on and continue with my original food boundaries? I texted my therapist about this. We'll see what she says. I feel like I am a horrible boundary breaker. UGH.

Around 10:05am this morning, we had MORE parent drama happen and I ended up sobbing while on the phone with my husband while trying to hide form coworkers. THEN my boss still caught me crying. I couldn't take it anymore. I left work and took the rest of the day off.

It's MORE stress on top of an already excruciatingly difficult time in our life and I am having a REALLY hard day. I feel like some witch has hexed us.

I was able to quickly chat with my therapist about the snack yesterday and she pointed out that it didn't make me feel good emotionally and that I can just gently pivot right back onto my original food boundaries. So I have. I can't be f*cking myself up emotionally right now, so I'm clinging to my original food boundaries today. And it's helping bring some calm into the midst of this heavy, difficult, emotional parent crisis that just keeps getting worse and worse.

My husband is so sweet. He doesn't bring me flowers. When I'm sad? He brings me a balloon. I LOVE balloons. So when he and my daughter came home, she brought me a balloon. Then my husband and I snuggled and took a nap. I'm starting to feel better. I'm so grateful for my little family.

Hi sammy - Two things (at least to start! ) I completely understand how hard it is to feel proud that you've "just" maintained in March. AND wow, you maintained in March! That's fantastic! You've been under so much stress, kept soldiering on, and STILL kept focus on your goals and health, even to the point of discussing options with your dietician and implementing a change. That is FANTASTIC! I can sense the weight of all the stress you've been under in your posts. You are doing an AMAZING job with life in general. Keeping your head above water for the time being is a completely worthy goal and a huge achievement. Priority number one is to maintain your physical health and avoid burning out completely from stress. Additional weight loss can and WILL happen in time, especially since you're doing so well managing your habits. Keep posting here so we can keep rooting for you. All the best, WIN

WINhappy wrote: Tue Mar 24, 2026 12:33 pm Hi sammy - Two things (at least to start! ) I completely understand how hard it is to feel proud that you've "just" maintained in March. AND wow, you maintained in March! That's fantastic! You've been under so much stress, kept soldiering on, and STILL kept focus on your goals and health, even to the point of discussing options with your dietician and implementing a change. That is FANTASTIC! I can sense the weight of all the stress you've been under in your posts. You are doing an AMAZING job with life in general. Keeping your head above water for the time being is a completely worthy goal and a huge achievement. Priority number one is to maintain your physical health and avoid burning out completely from stress. Additional weight loss can and WILL happen in time, especially since you're doing so well managing your habits. Keep posting here so we can keep rooting for you. All the best, WIN

Thank you SO much for this encouragement, WIN. I definitely needed some today. My husband and I are so stressed that we're basically perpetually frustrated and prickly with each other right now, so I was drowning in a need for some kind words this morning. I appreciate it so much!! And you're right. I have kept fighting and soldiering on despite some insane life stress. And I know things are going to improve with time. It's just hard right now and it's okay to be sad that things are hard. But I know I'm doing great with my habits and that is definitely something to be proud of!!

Sammy you are doing brilliantly!

Maintenance is nothing to be miserable about. It will stand you in good stead for the future.

Don't ever think about the fact you've failed. You haven't, you can't fail, it's a journey to better habits and you need to learn from each situation.

There is a lot of advice I'd like to give you but you have someone who knows you so much better doing that. If she advocates for having a snack then do it.

Just remember you might not need a snack every day and it's ok not to have one too. Just don't have a mental fight with yourself over it.

You have so much stress at present you need to give yourself a break sometimes.

Jx

Rooting for you!!

Jx

Thank you, Soprano!!! I chatted owth my therapist too and she pointed out that I didn't feel good about having had the snack, so pivoting right back to my original food boundaries was perfectly okay and understandable. Thank you for the encouragement. I really appreciate it.

I'm with Win and Soprano here: you have been doing an amazing job keeping your head above water with all the life stress you have been dealing with, and sticking to your food plan on top of everything - good job!!! Maintaining is in itself a victory, especially considering the circumstances. Keep on hanging in there, the way you sense your food boundaries as something that brings stability during a very trying time in your life is serving you well.

Thank you, Amy. I am certainly doing my best. I appreciate all of y'all's support!

W: 229.4

I'm functional today by the skin of my teeth. I'm exhausted. And my eyes hurt from all the sobbing yesterday. I am very much looking forward to the weekend and it isn't even close yet. I'm also looking forward to Friday. Because if I get to Friday, it means we're either past Due Diligence on this house and are moving forward, OR it means we are moving on and beginning to look for another house that will work for us. I just need to get past Thursday at midnight.

The bids for all the work on the house are coming in and it's going to be a LOT. We're still waiting on one more bid. I just hope they get it to us before lunch. I am SO ready to just KNOW how much the owner is willing to come down in price.

I wish I could take two solid days off to REST. My mind is exhausted. My emotions are exhausted. But I'm soldiering on, because there's no other choice.

Thank GOODNESS I have therapy today.

My therapist and I came to the conclusion that having an optional snack allotted into my day would only help me rather than hurt me (a snack is different from a binge, she pointed out). She and my dietitian are both in agreement. So moving forward, I'm going to allow an optional snack (if I want it I can have it, if I don't, I don't have to have it). SO that's what I'll do moving forward.

Well, we've put in the counter offer to the owner of the house after seeing all the bids for the work that needs to be done. I'm nervous as all hell right now waiting to hear back. I HATE how attached I get to dreams and ideas. I wish I hadn't gotten attached in case we need to pull out.

Fingers crossed for midnight tonight!

Amy3010 wrote: Thu Mar 26, 2026 5:50 am Fingers crossed for midnight tonight!

Fingers crossed!! She's thinking about our final offer (give or take). I hope we'll hear back this morning. Thank y'all for all your support in my stress!

W: 228.8

Last day of due diligence today. I'm on pins and needles and super anxious. I can't wait to hear back from the owner and hopefully get everything either nailed down, or jump ship.

SHE SIGNED. WE'RE OFFICIAL BUYING THE HOUSE> AHHHHHHHHHHHH

I wish we could have celebrated tonight. But instead we've all been stressed tot he max. When I got to work after lunch, I had been voluntold that I would be working a third event the week of graduation. That means I will have three events in three days the week of graduation and that SUCKS. It's already a crazy stressful week, but to trust another event into that week literally made me cry in reaction. And now we're moving right smack in the middle of all that work insanity.

I'm ending the night so stressed out. Not just about this stuff, but TONS of other stuff I haven't shared. We are under so much stress that it's honestly laughable. I just want to go to sleep and cry.

I'm sorry for all the stress you have had to deal with, but congratulations nonetheless on the house!

Congratulations on the house.

Deep breaths you've got this, just tackle one thing at a time and move on to the next but take just 5 mins occasionally to zone out and reset.


Jx

Thank you guys for the encrouagement. I really am excited about the house and I hit the ground running today coordinating the work that has to be done on it, which made me feel like I'm starting out the day with some wins under my belt.

F DAY

W: 229.2

B: Atkins Shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

L: Chickfila spicy chicken sandwich + waffle fries + 1.75 containers of Polynesian sauce

BINGE: 1 pack of 6 peanut butter crackers, 2 bags of chips (individual size), a few bites of a fig bar, half a cookie, more chips, chocolate, dear lord...what have I done???

D: homemade hamburger helper (a small bit) + a small bit of bell pepper + a small bit of apple

Snack: bowl of chocolate moose tracks ice cream.

UDPATE: I am done with the afternoon snack. It took all of 1 day for me to begin using it as an excuse to primarily eat junk and eat too much of it. As hard as it might be with hunger sometimes, I know the afternoon snack is NOT for me. I abuse it. Every time. So I am going right back to my original food boundaries. I did NOT like how I felt. How confused about how to do it right. How often I thought about calories and then overshot what I wanted to adhere to. I hated HATED how the afternoon snack issue felt, so I'm cutting it out altogether (Except on S days). I feel RELIEF that I'm not doing snacks on N Days. Getting back to my normal eating boundaries makes me feel happy and settled. Which is NICE in the midst of all this stress we've got going on.

UPDATE UPDATE: Ugh. I'm struggling SO much wanting the snack. It's like I opened the door and now it's super hard to close that door. I also had two professionals tell me to include the snack and I am freaking out about it. UGH. But I don't WANT to snack on healthy stuff. I want to snack on UNHEALTHY stuff. I don't know what to do. I am thinking about this constantly. The food noise is SO intense this afternoon.

I caved. I feel so screwed up about this afternoon snack thing. SO messed up. I will have a lot to talk about with my dietitian on Monday.

F*ck. Another red day. Sh*t. I feel horrible about myself. I caved. I didn't HAVE to cave. What is wrong with meeeeee?

I am so angry with myself. But at the same time, I just want to eat MORE.

Been working all morning on coordinating work to be done on the house we're buying. It's like 5 different contractors. It's a LOT. But so far so good on scheduling.

7:35pm - This has been a very hard week and a hard day. I have been SWAMPED with work this week, swamped with house stuff, and swamped with family things (still a ton of stress in our extended family). It's honestly been too much. And I have cried more this week than I have in ages. It's probably inevitable that I struggled with my food boundaries. And I'm going to count this as what I hope will be the last binge.

Tomorrow, it's back to business as usual. I am 100% nixxing N day snacks. I just can't handle it. I end up bingeing almost every time. I just can't do it properly. It's easier not to do it at all (unless it's an S day and I'm eating with others as something special).

I am terrified what the scale will show tomorrow but it is what it is. And I will meet it and do my best this weekend. I hate losing my green/yellow streak. But there is no more starting over. Just gently getting back on the path.

I've been catching up on your thread - congratulations on the house!

We bought our current house in 2020. Moved in - then almost immediately locked down. But I well remember the feeling of overwhelm - at time I could barely breathe.

I'm kinda with you on the afternoon snack thing. I feel like I almost need something, but no matter what I choose, it ends up feeling kinda ick.

It is such a stressful process. It's really wild. And hard. But we're going to get through it!!

The snacking is SUCH a problem for me. I can excuse anything as a snack which is why it's BAD NEWS for me, haha. And now I'm sitting here in the office where a ton of snacks are a few feet away. I have to keep looking away.

W :229.4

The world feels a bit brighter today. We're going to make it through this difficult time.

But I can't get it together with food. I feel so out of control again. The last time this happened was after a four month stint of calorie tracking and I gained 50 pounds (this happened last year!)

I may have to rethink my approach here. When I work with my dietitian on Monday. I'm so frustrated. I wish food were easy. It sucks we all struggle like we do.

Hang on in there you are doing brilliantly.


Jx

Hey Leah, congratulations on your house! That’s such great news!
I’m sorry to hear that your binges have gotten so intense and that your dietitian’s plan with the snack didn’t work for you. I have to admit, I can’t do that either. It’s so hard to find that balance. But despite all the setbacks and stress lately, you’ve kept it up so well — you should really be proud of yourself!

I wish food were easy, too! Thank goodness we have this space to encourage and support each other.

I hope you feel less discouraged the coming days and that your dietician can give you some helpful insights in moving forward. Whenever I feel that sense of discouragement, I ask myself what the alternatives are and that helps me to remember my reasons for doing this, even when it feels hard and pointless. Hang in there!

Thank you guys for your encouragement and kindness!! I really appreciate it. I love this little space and hope we can keep it going for years to come!!

Weight was up today. And I felt that familiar despair and helplessness / hopelessness flooding in about food. I have NO idea how to force myself to get back on my boundaries I MUST. My therapist wants me to join OA again, but NY dietitian hates OA. I genuinely don't know what to do. I'm glad I see my dietitian tomorrow. I'll keep y'all posted.

F DAY

W: 231.4 (WAY up today)

B: atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

L: Chicken Tikka Masala + garlic naan bread + rice

Failure: apple chips, granola bar, 6 peanut butter crackers, tiny bowl full of chocolate chips (eaten alone and in secret -- VERY bad habit I am terrified to see come back)

D: Homemade pomodoro pasta + parmesan cheese + red pepper flakes + 1 garlic knot + yellow bell pepper

I am angry with myself for this relapse. One day would have been a lapse. An entire week of red is a relapse. I've GOT to get myself back under control and get Food-Sober again. I think I let the stress be an excuse for overeating again. But I've also been dealing with extreme hunger all week. I'm not sure why. But it's been a potent, difficult mix. I'm so ready for N days this week.

F DAY

W: 231

B: Atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

Binge: tons of chips, tons of chocolate and candy, rice krispee treat
----------------------------------------------------------
(Drawing a line under it and MOVING ON. Getting Food-sober again right away)

L: peanut butter and jelly sandwich + apple + yellow bell pepper + dried apple chips

D: 2 slices pizza + 2 cheezie bread pieces + red bell pepper + apple + spicy pickled okra

I am so damned ashamed of myself. I binged. Again this morning. It's so infuriating. I was doing so so well until those binge urges of 2 weekends ago and then I gave in on Monday to the snacking/bingeing urge. I had 1 green day last week and the rest were red. I'm so angry with myself for sabotaging my successful food boundaries.

I am chatting with my dietitian today and I hope she can give me some tips for what to do.

In good news department, the VERY FIRST people to look at our current home offered full price and we are no in due diligence for them. It's crazy how well this stuff is going with our current home. We are incredibly grateful. But it does put us on a VERY strict timeline for moving and there is still a lot that must be done at our new house before we can physically move in. So TONS still on my plate on top of crazy extended family stuff (that just keeps getting harder and harder) and my massive amount of work to complete before the end of Spring Semester. Maybe that's why I've been bingeing. I'm so incredibly overwhelmed and stressed and maybe my brain is sending me these unbearable urges because that's what it's always done during times of stress?

To give y'all a clue about my family stuff, we had a close family member get arrested a few weeks ago and man. We just keep learning more and more difficult things about this person and I'm incredibly disappointed in them at BEST and terrified of what all they might have done at WORST. It's so intense and we are dealing with it as best we can.

I feel like I let you guys down by sabotaging myself with food. I know you guys were proud of me and were so encouraging. I'm ashamed I let you all down.

Firstly you haven't let us down, or even yourself. You've had a very understandable set back.

If you get back to your routine in the next couple of days that weight gain will disappear.

Take it one meal at a time and if you are hungry eat a little more protein at each meal until it settles down.

If you have to eat in between meals because of hunger or stress choose protein. Have things ready to hand.

Congratulations on the offer on your house, fingers crossed

Sorry to hear about the relative, it must be a worry and shock but out of your hands so try and relax over it. Easier said than done I know.

Thinking of you

Jx

Thank you for the encouragement, Soprano. I really appreciate it.

You didn't let us down, quite the opposite - I really respect that fact that you post both when it goes well and when it doesn't and share all the ups and downs with us.

Soprano's tips are right on - hopefully you got some other helpful tips from your dietician.

Congratulations on the full offer for your house - although it does make the timing tighter for you. Fingers crossed all goes smoothly.

And so sorry to hear about your family member, what a shock to hear that. Of course your brain wants to revert back to what it knows has been comforting in the past. But you can take it day by day and work towards changing those circuits in your brain. Hang in there!

Thank you, Amy. I really appreciate it! You guys have been so encouraging while I've been struggling. I appreciate you guys so much!

N DAY

W: 230.6

B: Atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

L: A small container of eftover pomodoro pasta + small piece cheezy bread + most of an apple + most of a yellow bell pepper + spicy pickled okra + Harvest cheddar sunchips (big lunch, very hungry)

D: sloppy Joe sandwich + apple + yellow bell pepper + sweet potato waffle fries

I am super super tired today. I felt like I could have slept until 2pm. I am so exhausted right now. But yesterday, after bingeing in the morning, I went on to have a normal day. It was super tough. But I finished out the day normally. Today, I'm so hungry right out of the gate. I am also emotional, stressed, and tired. Today I have to go to the new house and meet the flooring people so they can measure the hardwood flooring that needs to be refinished. We're also trying to get an earlier closing date so we can start the house projects sooner. We'll see how that goes.

I wish I could take tomorrow off and really just collapse at my house and rest. But I've got to save all my days for when we move. I need to save them up. But I WISH I could be frivolous and just read all day tomorrow, haha. Thankfully I'm very on top of things at work and I think I might be able to take it a little easier at work tomorrow. Maybe.

Food stuff is finally clicking back into its place and I feel more in control again and powerful. I'm NOT helpless and powerless over my appetite.

Getting to visit the house today was super nice. I am still working on picking out all the paint colors and I am having a devil of a time picking out the exact blue color we want to use in the living room area. I am having such a hard time finding the right paint color to match what AI gave me when I used that to visualize the room. I'll keep working on it, though!

This week has been crazy long and stressful and we are only on Tuesday.

But I packed up MY books from the living room and y'all... We've got the Beast's library worth of books in our house. I think we're easily going to fill 20 boxes with the books we have LEFT, not to mention the books we've already packed. But I folded and did laundry, I did dishes, I made potatoes for my lunches the rest of the week, and I packed up all my living room books in boxes. I'm resting the rest of the night.

Whoop, weight didn't go up. Well done getting back in the groove.

Have you tried drinking water or black coffee when hungry. Both help me stop feeling hungry.

If you can wait 30 mins before eating when hunger hits sometimes it goes away.

Jx

I don't always do coffee, but I definitely use caffeine to stop hunger. And yep! You're totally right. Sometimes it goes away after 30 minutes.

It sounds like you turned things around! You are definitely not powerless or helpless - you got this!

N DAY

W: 230.4 (-1 pound in March. T_T)

B: Atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

L: Chicaco Dog Bowl (2 beef hot dogs, onions, relish, peppers, pepperoncinis, pickles, air fried potatoes, celery salt)

D: son of baconator sandwich + fries + ketchup

Morning, y'all. Yesterday was a green day and I'm so thankful. I'm back on the path and that feels really good. I am 100% beat today. I am so overwhelmed and exhausted. I'm going to try and take it a bit easier at work today. That would be nice.

I spent an hour this morning matching paint colors from Behr brand to Sherwin Williams and I'm still not sure I did it correctly. I've got to get the information to the painters soon, but we still need to find out if we're closing early. UGH I'm so ready to know some definite dates. Right now, dates are up in the air on EVERYTHING.

I've got to find a new flooring company to do the flooring in our new house.

Definitely not the healthiest dinner tonight, but I was with my family and we ate something quick and easy. I'm glad my fast food consumption has radically lessened due to my boundary about it. Very thankful for that. My health had definitely suffered from having so much fast food before.

Congratulations on your pound down.

Soprano wrote: Wed Apr 01, 2026 6:11 pm Congratulations on your pound down.

Thank you!! I'd much rather be 1 pound down than 1 pound up, haha!!

House stuff is in FULL swing right now. I'm not going to track my food here for at least today, maybe longer. But I wanted to warn y'all before I went a little radio silent.

I'm juggling 5 contractors and will potentially be juggling 6 once I add a landscaper guy who will be removing the ivy that's growing all over the walls.

SO MUCH WORK and my eyes are crossing from all of this. Thank God for spreadsheets to keep things organized.

I hope you guys have a WONDERFUL day and Easter weekend.

Oof. I spent from 7:45am this morning to 12:00pm working on all this contractor stuff. So many texts, phone calls, dates, and estimates to juggle. Plus we got one of the flooring estimates and SWEET BABY JESUS it was incredibly high. We're getting a second estimate from someone else on Saturday and I hope to the heavens its much cheaper. Holy shit.

N DAY

W: 230.8

B: Atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

L: an open faced sloppy Joe sandwich + sweet potato fries + apple + red bell pepper

D: (eating out with friends) Kung pao chicken + lo me in noodles and veggies

I can't help myself. So I tracked.

I think it's a good idea to keep tracking. It will keep you focused at a time when it would be so easy to lose it.

Jx

I think you're right, Soprano!! I'm going to keep it up.

S DAY

W: 230.2 (still maintaining right now)

B: chocolate chip pancakes + sugar free syrup

L: Leftover Kungpao chicken and lo mein + apple (we got three total meals out of that dinner!)

S: chocolate chip moose tracks ice cream + magic shell +sugar free caramel (fun snack with my daughter)

D: mini corn dogs, mini spanikopitas, hot sauce, spicy pickled okra, cherry tomatoes with ranch, a few roasted peanuts, dried apple chips, a bit of zucchini. (we had a snack y dinner)

A: a bit of apple cider

We are beginning our celebration of Easter today since we're all off work. So this morning, we're going to enjoy chocolate chip pancakes as a family. Later today, I will keep packing.

I am having a really hard time disconnecting from the house stuff.

Tracking does provide an overview and gives a sense of control, so why not? Hope the continuing house logistics go well!

Exactly. For the foreseeable future, I'm going to keep writing things down.

S DAY

W: 230.8 (this plateau is killing me)

B: Atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

L: Zaxby's boneless Buffalo wings + ranch drip + Texas toast + fries

S: drumstick ice cream cone with family

S: Granola bar with my daughter

D: chicken and hummus with pita triangles

Ending the day feeling really gross and craving light, healthy things. Even though it was an S day and I know I kept to my boundaries, I still feel yucky. My stomach is upset, my skin is clammy. I just feel gross. Everyone who knows me knows that I am freezing ALL the time. So for me to be hot, it's definitely an aberration.

So sorry you are feeling so awful.

It's not surprising with the stress you are under.

Does your dietitian ever discuss what you eat as some foods can support our physical and mental health in difficult times.

Jx

Soprano wrote: Sun Apr 05, 2026 6:07 am So sorry you are feeling so awful.

It's not surprising with the stress you are under.

Does your dietitian ever discuss what you eat as some foods can support our physical and mental health in difficult times.

Jx

We do. But right now, I'm totally in survival mode. I'm lucky to stick to my boundaries right now, lol.

Hi Sammy - First, congratulations on the house! I'm sorry the renovations are another source of stress for you and I hope they go both smoothly and quickly. Second, you're not alone in your perception of the dreaded afternoon snack and how you don't want to snack on healthy food. Yes, one CAN select prunes and leafy greens for an afternoon snack but really, how likely is that one WILL? So, I just want to say that I understand. Please just do the best you can. If that best falls short of what you'd prefer, no worries and just move on. Judging from the pain and exhaustion in many of your posts, it seems that you have enough on your (metaphorical) plate to be going on with. Please keep posting here so we can support and reassure you. I'm sending you all the best wishes, WIN

Thank you so much for the encouragement, WIN! I super appreciate all your wise words. I hope that you're doing really well!

N DAY

W: 230.4

B: Atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

L: peanut butter and banana sandwich +yellow bell pepper + apple + spicy pickled okra

D: leftover steak and fettucinin alfredo + some kind of veggie

I am still maintaining weight and I'm getting annoyed by it and considering stopping weighing for a bit. I am annoyed that the number doesn't seem to be going down despite me eating the same way as I did in February. Not sure why I'm not losing, but I'll keep workshopping it. I see my dietitian today and I'm looking forward to chatting with her about some things.

I am so incredibly exhausted. SO. DAMN. EXHAUSTED. I have been taking naps and I NEVER nap. Like literally, until the past two weeks, I never ever nap because I deal with insomnia and am scared to nap. But I've been dozing (not quite falling asleep) whenever I have a chance. I am just so wrecked and crashed after all this stress.

Ugh, the house stuff sounds incredibly chaotic and stressful. Good thing you have your cravings and binging under control. It's scary when we suddenly lose that grip for some reason. I can imagine the plateau is annoying, I also have to remind me that weightloss is not linear...

Ellis wrote: Mon Apr 06, 2026 2:30 pm Ugh, the house stuff sounds incredibly chaotic and stressful. Good thing you have your cravings and binging under control. It's scary when we suddenly lose that grip for some reason. I can imagine the plateau is annoying, I also have to remind me that weightloss is not linear...

YES weight loss not being linear is so frustrating. I'm considering stopping the weighing and just focusing hardcore on my boundaries and keeping them in place. It wouldn't be like not weighing PLUS not eating correctly. I wonder if I would have more peace if I weighed once a month AND kept up with my food boundaries? I'll talk about it with my dietitian today.

Thank you for your kindness and support!

That is so frustrating! I am curious to hear what your dietician thought...

Totally understand your frustration at not losing but weight loss isn't just affected by diet, stress and sleep play a part too.

Harder to get those two things under control though.

Just be gentle with your self and try and overcome your exhaustion.

Do you think gentle exercise like yoga or walking before bed might help. It perhaps some meditation to calm your system?

Jx

Thanks, Amy and Soprano. I really do need to get back into walking. I also love yoga. But when I get super stressed and busy, exercise is usually the first to go.

My dietitian appointment was helpful and illuminating. She really wants me to move to weighing only once per week, but I had a hard time with that this morning and went ahead and weighed (becuase of the habit I've built). I will try to move to 1x per week weighing on Wednesday morning.

We also talked about how important it is for me to have food sanity and to have joy in eating again. I feel like because I am fat, I do not deserve to enjoy my food and that every meal should be boring and joyless. She said that's crazy and everyone deserves to enjoy what they eat (not at every single meal of course, because that would be tough to achieve), but in general.

We also talked about my ultimate goal of intuitive eating and how we've been creating structure and tighter habits in the beginning that we're going to relax over time. So now, we are changing my food boundaries a bit to better reflect my longterm goals. I desperately want to feel in tune with my body and able to follow my hunger/fullness cues. I have lived so disconnected from my body for so long that I don't even know what I want, like, or feel most of the time. I am learning to honor my body's wisdom in non-food ways and now I want to do the same with my body's hunger/fullness cues. My ultimate goal is to be a true intuitive eater (not the fat acceptance/fat liberation version, but the healthy, balanced version).

We are keeping two boundaries the same (Fast food and healthy plate) and tweaking the other two.

New/Old Boundaries:

1) I will add a snack if I get hungry, especially in the afternoon. I have been ravenous at dinner most nights and definitely overdoing it on food in the evening. My dietitian says that the afternoon snack will keep me from overeating at dinner. I'm calling it "Afternoon Tea" to make it feel special and NOT like an occasion to binge.
2) I can have something sweet with a snack or meal (but it must be one of those). Snacks MUST include something healthy! (a macronutrient)
3) No fast food without being with at least 1 other adult (keeping this one the same)
4) Meals at or from home must fit the Healthy Plate (keeping this one the same)

I have had this life limiting belief that I am unable to snack because I will just binge. But that's patently untrue. I have been snacking on S days with no problems for months. And I know if I can do it on a weekend day, I can do it on a week day. I am a highly disciplined person and I know I can crack this.

Hunger / fullness eating / mindful eating went well today except for dinner. I'm trying really hard to eat without distraction, but my adorable five year old came in from playing outside and it did end up distracting me and I overate on accident. But I know with tons of practice, I will definitely improve.

I'm at the theater about to watch, "Project Hail Mary" and I did bring some sour skittles in a snack baggy. But right now I'm so full I'm not even tempted to eat them. I'll update as to whether I ended up enjoying some later.

The movie was AMAZING for sure. Loved it. Ate the skittles. Moving on. Tomorrow is another opportunity to practice.

Aiming for IE and being in tune with our bodies is a great thing to do.

It isn't easy though and do be prepared to see some weight gain.

I found this book useful https://ebay.us/m/ZsI8a5

Good luck

Jx

Thank you for the book rec! I haven't heard of this one. And yes, I'm sure there will be a blip up in the beginning, but I'm so determined to make this work.

W: 231

To give you guys a clue of the particular "brand" of mindful/intuitive eating I'm doing, it's following "Geneen Roth's Eating Guidelines". Geneen's books have meant SO much to me. This is a woman who "gets" it. She has been where so many of us have been and she found a way out. Her guidelines are:

1. Eat when you are hungry
2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment
3. Eat without distraction.
4. Eat what your body wants, not what your mind wants.
5. Eat until you are satisfied.
6. Eat as if you are in full view of others.
7. Eat with gusto, enjoyment, and pleasure

These hit upon everything I want out of my eating. And I am determined to get it right. I'm not giving up or starting over. I'm building upon what I learned during my two months of No Sing + mods and I'm applying that to this new leg of the journey. I'll update at the end of the day and let y'all know how I did.

Looking forward to following your journey

It sounds exciting to be contemplating the next steps in your journey! Wishing you all the best with them

Thank y'all for the positive vibes!! These guidelines are tough, but I think they are what I wanted to aspire to anyway, so I'm in it for the long haul.

Definitely been overeating this afternoon and second guessing EVERYTHING.

My brain keeps asking me, "Honey, what are you DOING??? You were doing SO well with your boundaries. You were KILLING it (Except for that one week at the end of March). Why did you feel the need to change it?"

I honestly don't know. While it's true that I don't WANT to have to do No S+my mods forever, what if that's the best I can expect out of myself?? What if that's the only way that I can be food sober and food sane?

What if intuitive eating is completely out of reach for me because my intuition is to always either over restrict or overeat? Honestly...all of this makes me want to flee back to my original boundaries. They felt safe. They felt real. They felt realistic for me. They felt like they targeted my exact issues. Why did I go and muck about with it all???

I'm sorry, y'all. I think my brain is doing what it does best. It was talking me out of a good thing trying to achieve a perfect thing that I'm not capable of. I am going to get right back on the horse with my original food boundaries tomorrow. They were perfect for me in their simplicity and in their targeting of my specific problems. I just got momentarily insane and confused again. I have tried intuitive eating a MILLION times and I always end up going nuts and gaining 4,0000 pounds.

I am ALWAYS optimistic that I can make mindful/intuitive eating work and it ALWAYS goes off the rails. ALWAYS. I've tried this countless times. It always leads to massive weight gain (like last year when it went to the 50 pounds gained in a year mark).

SO here is my plan to get back on track. As of THIS MOMENT: 3:36pm, I am back on track with my original food boundaries (See below). I am going to continue weighing daily. I am going to continue drilling it into my difficult brain that my boundaries were there for a REASON and were carefully crafted to help me. It's okay that I tried something different, but it did NOT work just like it's NEVER worked.

As of this moment, we're back to:

1. Follow No S (let's pay particular attention this time to using 1 plate or 1 bowl + fruit/veg)
2. Ses must be eaten with family or friends.
3. No fast food unless I'm with 1 other adult person
4. Following the healthy plate with food eaten at home or from home

Thanks for all y'all's patience with me. I'm sorry I went nuts again. UGH.

6:37pm - ugh. Fell into last suppering like a big dummy. On top of that, house stuff got EXTRA complicated today and we're having to start over with some things and it's so damn frustrating. Ugh.

I am sure IE will work for you in the future, you have a way to go yet and Nos is a great place to start.

Trust the process and don't rush it. You got this.

Jx

S DAY

W: 231

First day back on track. Determined to settle back into my regular food boundaries and honestly, relieved. I just can't be trusted to snack normally. My daughter is out of school and I'm off work, so we're having a NWS Day to ease me back in.

B: (my daughter is on spring break and requested Waffle House) grits, cheese, eggs, and sausage bowl. I ate about 2/3 of it and was stuffed. Had coffee with half n half and Splenda

L: Mac and cheese + pickles and pickled okra + dried apples + 2 thin reeses cups + 6 peanut butter crackers

S: Bowl of cherry ice cream with chocolate syrup and unicorn shell (with my daughter)

D: Dream Cream Pasta (homemade) with corn and apple


My temptation to say the hell with it and never diet or try to lose weight again is very very high right now. The desire and temptation to binge is also very high, so I am easing myself back into my original boundaries with a NWS day with my daughter since I'm off work and she's at home with me today. Also, house stuff took a turn for the EXTREMELY inconvenient and difficult, so I'm super frustrated and emotional about that, which is also making me want to binge.

I am so stressed about all this house stuff that my stomach is super gnarled up. Ugh.

All in all, despite house craziness, it was a lovely day with my daughter and I'm grateful for that. AND, I only had S treats twice which is pretty good for getting back on track. By Monday, I think I'll be in the right Headspace again for my original N day boundaries.

I feel for you, just remember the weight you've lost and maintained successfully so far during difficult times.

That is a real achievement to celebrate

It's time to push on now for another half stone. You can do this.

I found my cravings eased considerably when I reduced my carb intake of sugar rice and bread, increased protein and filled my plates with salad or veggies so I felt comfortably full. Might be worth a go!

Enjoy your weekend

Jx

Thank you for the encouragement, Soprano! Unfortunately, low carb does not agree with me. I've tried it lots of times in the past and I just end up with extreme nausea that never goes away (until I begin eating carbs again). It's so weird how every body is different.

I am going to start taking photo a of my food, on Ellis' suggestion. I want to visually see what I'm eating and also work hard at the one plate thing. I hope that will help!

Parts of the day were good. Parts of the day were bad.

Must admit when I tried Atkins when I was younger it didn't suit me.

Would definitely recommend a gradual reduction in carbs if you decided to try it again. But first try switching to wholemeal bread, pasta and rice. That might help?

All just ideas, you know your body and what it tolerates. It is just so good if you can get to the point where cravings go. It's possible but takes time to see what works for you.

Jx

My brain is a bit crazy today. I'm exhausted. I'm stressed. I'm burnt out. I just want to eat the entire FRICKING WORLD. I'm trying to pack, but I feel paralyzed and don't want to pack at ALL. I just want to be FREEEEEEEEEEE.

Had to take my emergency anxiety medicine today. I'm just run ragged right now.

I am BEYOND stressed out today. My anxiety is high enough that I want to take my extra anxiety medication but I'm going to save it in case there are worse days ahead. Extended family stuff, house stuff, work stuff is beating me down. On top of that, I made a HUGE parenting blunder on Saturday that I am paying dearly for. It is all combining to make me feel like total and utter shit. I am exhausted. I want to go home and sleep for a solid 24 hour period.

Perhaps you should just take a day. Your body will force the issue if you overload it too much without respite.

You really need to find some respite, a quiet walk might help.

Just 10 mins meditation

Soak in the bath.

Hope you find a solution

Jx

I SUPER wish I could take a day off to myself, but I've got to save every shred of vacation time I have right now for when we physically move houses. I am going to get some flex time on Friday afternoon, because I have to work an event tonight AND tomorrow night. I'm run into the ground right now, but I've got not choice but to keep chugging along.

My eating has COMPLETELY fallen apart and I am having the fricking HARDEST time getting back on track. I'm so tired and I've got a department meeting today and an event to work, so I've got to just pull up my suspenders and plow through. No choice.

I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so badly. I think the stress and exhaustion is taking it's toll. I hope you can rest soon! Your body and mind needs it.

F Day

Thank you, friend. I got two good pieces of house news and that helped me feel better.

W: didn't weigh today... (shame blush ensues)

B: binge. I accept that I did it and I'm moving on.

L: turkey bacon ranch sub + salt and vinegar chips

F: snickers ice cream bar at a social with my student workers

D: 1 cucumber, apple, 2/3 bell pepper, 1/2 Turkey & Swiss sandwich, some fries, a mozarella stick with a bit of marinara

Exercise: 22 minutes of Body Groove (heavy booty stuff this time, so VERY intense and super got my heart rate up)

I'm praying things will turn out okay. I am extremely prone to stress, so when there's stress from so many things, it makes me crazy anxious. But I'm going to get through. Not sure I believe in such things, but my tarot cards pointed to good things on the horizon, so hopefully that bears out.

I am drowning in the stress, so finally at lunch after I had finished eating, I gave myself a Tough Love Speech. As in, "Get up RIGHT now and do some Body Groove. You will feel SO much better for having done it." So for once, I listened to myself and did 22 minutes of Body Groove. I had SUCH a fun time and for 22 minutes, I wasn't stressed or anxious. One of my goals with my boundaries and everything else I'm doing is to get INSIDE my body and find my way with it. Listen to it. And my body NEEDED to move. I have been sacrificing exercise on the altar of exhaustion and fatigue, but as my dietitian says, exercise, even a little, is good for one's mental health.

I am seeing that every time I am able to get back on track with my eating, I give myself a loving, but TOUGH love speech. I look at the likelihood of ballooning up to 600 pounds if I do not arrest this food addiction. The stakes are DIRE. I have obligations to my family to take care of myself. But I also have an obligation to myself. I deserve to feel good in my body. I deserve to feel food sanity and that is what my food boundaries give me. SANITY.

I went back through March and looked at my percentage of green + yellow days combined (which are days within boundaries) and I was still at 80.6% in the clear. Not that bad, not that bad. I'll take it. I know Reinhard counts only green days towards his percentage, but for me, since I have mods, if I'm getting a yellow instead of a red day, that means I'm following mods, too, so I'm counting them toward my percentage of sticking with my boundaries. As long as I stay in the green/yellow for the rest of April, I will still get a 73.3% which is still a C and not failing, so I'll take it!!! Haha And getting a 100% in February is still in my mind living rent-free and reminding me that I CAN do this.

UPDATE
- I am at my limit. I'm going to take a break from posting for a bit. I hope you all have a great rest of your week. Much love to you all.

A break from posting hopefully brings some peace of mind...hang in there, you can do this.

Days successfully having a single afternoon snack: 1

W: 233

B: Atkins shake + 12 peanut butter crackers + some Lay's chips (large breakfast, but I don't care. It is still technicaly within food boundaries)

L: half burrito barbacoa + a bit of cheese dip + a few chips and salsa + half the refried beans and rice - saving the other half for dinner after my event tonight

My afternoon tea : cantaloupe, pineapple, 2 tiny brownies, a small cookie cherry tomatoes and ranch -(kept it to a snack plate) (wish I had had some tea!) (these were goodies from my event. I'm proud I had veggies and fruit with this)

D: half burritor barbacoa + rice & beans + salsa + 2 reeses thins

I spoke with my dietitian today over text and shared with her how much I was struggling. She said, in no uncertain terms, to get right back on my food boundaries and to use stress-coping skills when I get tempted to emotionally eat or binge. She's right. I know she's right. So I'm getting back to doing everything I WAS doing in February when I was so successful. I am getting back to weighing every day. I'm going to log my day here each day. I'm not going to give up on myself. I have to remind myself that I've been a stress eater for decades. This isn't going to disappear overnight. But I am NOT GIVING UP. And I've got to remind myself when I feel tempted to binge, "Food Won't Fix It." It will just make everything worse.

My goal today is not to eat as little as possible, but to just STICK TO THE RULES. So my meals are larger today on purpose and that's how it's just going to be for this 24 hour period. I've got to get through this event tonight and onto the other side so I can RELAX. I went home at lunch at took an insanely hot bath with Epsom salts and totally cooked myself, but it was amazing and super relaxing. Now I'm back at work listening to Enya music in the continuing effort to calm myself. My anxiety is very high.

Things with our house stuff is actually back on track and going very well, but I am so tired and worn out that I can't really enjoy it. I'm just exhausted.

Oof. Okay. I got set up for my major event tonight and now I'm trying to cool off. It's already so damn hot in the American South. I am so ready to go home and totally relax.

Your dietitian is a god send. It is so easy to give up when we are struggling and getting it wrong but those that keep on trying with what they know works usually succeed in the end.

Something that always stuck with me, it's hard to stick to a weight loss plan. It's hard to age with ailments through being overweight and eating badly, choose your hard!!

You are in my thoughts, don't give up on yourself.

Jx

Soprano wrote: Thu Apr 16, 2026 12:38 pm Your dietitian is a god send. It is so easy to give up when we are struggling and getting it wrong but those that keep on trying with what they know works usually succeed in the end.

Something that always stuck with me, it's hard to stick to a weight loss plan. It's hard to age with ailments through being overweight and eating badly, choose your hard!!

You are in my thoughts, don't give up on yourself.

Jx

You're so right. I try to think about the "Choose your hard" mantra daily. But I'm still struggling. I am so ashamed and defeated feeling about food. Even though I had a reasonable snack yesterday, I feel bad for having had it. :S I KNOW that my food rules I came up with originally are still the gold standard of what I want to be doing. It's just getting harder to combat hunger. Probably because I'm still so incredibly tired and stressed.

B: 12 peanut butter crackers, atkins shake, potato chips (UGH I have got to get out of this breakfast rut.)

L: peanut butter and jelly sandwich, dried apple chips, pickles and spicy pickled okra, 6 peanut butter crackers

S: 6 peanut butter crackers + 3 small cookies (your girl has GOT to get groceries. It's been such a busy week, it just hasn't happened)

D: potato and cheese pierogies + apple sauce + kielbasa + sour cream + fruit and cherry tomatoes (this was a delicious, hearty, comforting meal prepared by my husband) + 2 small cookies and cream eggs + chocolate chips

Y'all...I just don't have much left to give in the way of energy. Or caring about food. Or caring about anything right now. I'm just so damn tired and exhausted from the stress. Tonight, I have the night off from working late, but I've GOT to make some packing progress tonight. It just has to happen. But my goal is to pack until my daughter's bedtime and then after that, rest.

I'm so defeated with food. I just can't seem to get back on track with my original food boundaries. I want to. Badly. But at the same time, I want to eat massive quantities of food and say to hell with it all. I know I've got to choose my hard. I'm already back up into class 3 obesity, which is embarrassing and defeating. I feel so hopeless I'll ever be able to actually change my ways permanently. I am mad at myself for giving in and having a snack yesterday -- even though it was a "good and mostly healthy snack". I still know I don't need to be snacking except on S days in the presence of others. I am 5'4". I am SHORT. I need way fewer calories than the majority of people. I do NOT need to be snacking most days. I just can't get it together and I'm so tired of trying. Being obese and struggling with food problems is the hardest thing in the WORLD that I have ever dealt with and I have dealt with excrutiatingly difficult life circumstances over my 37 years. Why can I not get it together???

Okay. Enough of the pity party. I'm getting my shit together. And mantras are always how I do it. So here are a TON of weight loss/healthy living mantras that give me a firm kick in the ass and get me back on the path:

- Nothing changes, if nothing changes
- The results you want come with discipline
- Everything you want is on the other side of a hard decision
- Your future self will appreciate the hard discipline you show today
- You can do one more day of this. You can. So do it.
- Half-assing it is better than not doing it at all
- No more starting over. Just continue.
- Choose what you want most over what you want now
- I am stronger than my excuses
- Falling down is an accident; staying down is a choice
- My body deserves to be nourished and moved
- I am worthy of a healthy life
- One day at a time, one meal at a time
- Motivation gets you started, habit keeps you going
- Don't quit your daydream (man, I LOVE this one)
- Results happen over time, not over night
- Whether you think you can, or you can't, you're right.
- The only hole you can't crawl out of is the grave
- If it came from a plant, eat it. If it was made in a plant, don't
- Treat your body like a temple, not a trashcan
- The only bad owkrout is the one that didn't happen
- Strong is the new skinny
- I am 100% in control of what I put into my mouth
- Transform your mind and your body will follow
- Be your own hero
- Every choice is a chance to start over
- Love yourself enough to live a healthy lifestyle
- Run the mile you're in (as in stay in your lane and don't compare)
- If it's not in your house, it's not in your mouth
- Hunger is a feeling, not an emergency
- You can't outrun a bad diet
- Weight loss is a side effect of a healthy lifestyle
- A setback is just a setup for a comeback
- Be the person who doesn't give up this time
- Invest in your health now, or pay for your illness later

These mantras ALL inspire me not to give up. To move right back onto the path. One of my favorite YouTube channels is Lucy Shaw Vlogs. She's a British runner who began her weight loss and running journey as a 230 pound woman (almost my beginning stats) and she is now down to the low 150s and is running marathons and ultras. She is SO inspiring to me. She just released a video where she fell and hurt herself badly on her run. But she got right back up and is running London Marathon soon!! I've fallen down and gotten scraped up a bit, too, with my eating. I'm going to channel my inner Lucy, get right back up, and keep "running". And I want to get into actual running soon. I LOVE running. My giant body doesn't, but I do. I want to run marathons someday. I've got to view my eating as training for future marathons.
-----------------

6:44pm - I'm ending the night feeling bloated and tired and have a bit of acid on my stomach. Soprano has been encouraging me for weeks to eat more real, minimally processed foods, and my dietitian agrees I need fewer processed foods and more protein (but not ALL protein). I am reading the book, "The PCOS Diet Plan" by Hillary Wright on my dietitian's recommendation and I'm going to try their way of eating, which is to spread carbs out throughout the day so that there isn't a big "dump" of glucose during bigger meals. (I.e. smaller eating instances throughout the day). I have been diagnosed with PCOS since I was 18 years old (almost 20 years) and I've never really gotten a handle on it. I was diagnosed at 18 by a doctor who put me on an INSANELY restrictive diet and that is what kicked off my orthorexia, leading me to be underweight and waifish. It's hard for me to imagine doing another PCOS "diet" and I certainly don't view it as that. But in reading this book, it seems like this woman has lots of credentials and knows what she's about. But my dietitian's recommendation is really what goes the farthest. So I'm going to read the book before my appt. with her on Monday so I can chat with her about it.

Thank you to those of you who are still sticking with me through what I'm coming to think of as a "Month of Experimentation".

For a wake up call, I counted my calories today and I ate 2890 calories. It's no wonder I've been gaining wait back. I also had like triple the fat I'm supposed to be eating. I did manage to get my protein in, but that was after eating 2890 calories. I'm going to plan out my day in the Loseit App for tomorrow a slsee if I can stick to plan.

I really love some of those mantras.

Breakfast suggestions:

Full fat greek yoghurt with berries seeds and nuts.

Scrambled eggs on wholemeal bread not the processed sliced stuff proper bread and preferably sourdough

Bacon,sausage egg mushrooms and beans

Smashed avocado, egg and smoked salmon

Smoked salmon and cream cheese in good bread

So many satisfying, filing proper foods to start the day

You have absolutely got this

Jx

Soprano wrote: Thu Apr 16, 2026 4:22 pm I really love some of those mantras.

Breakfast suggestions:

Full fat greek yoghurt with berries seeds and nuts.

Scrambled eggs on wholemeal bread not the processed sliced stuff proper bread and preferably sourdough

Bacon,sausage egg mushrooms and beans

Smashed avocado, egg and smoked salmon

Smoked salmon and cream cheese in good bread

So many satisfying, filing proper foods to start the day

You have absolutely got this

Jx

Thank you for these ideas!! I have barely ANY time in the morning for breakfast. I take a lot of medication at nighttime that absolutely zonks me out, so I wake up like 10 minutes before I leave the house and I barely have time to get my daughter ready for school. So I've always done the grab and go breakfast stuff like atkins shakes and packs of crackers. I did enjoy the cauliflower oats for a while, but they weren't savory enough for me. Maybe I should get back to that, though, as a healthy grab and go alternative.

Give it some thought, you could prep something the night before, get up 20 mins before you need to leave so you can eat it.

Some small changes will pay back big time as you lose weight and improve your health.

Jx

Soprano wrote: Thu Apr 16, 2026 7:26 pm Give it some thought, you could prep something the night before, get up 20 mins before you need to leave so you can eat it.

Some small changes will pay back big time as you lose weight and improve your health.

Jx

I do think that reducing processed foods will be a BIG help to me and also increasing protein. I am reading "The PCOS Diet Plan" by Hilary Wright on the recommendation of my dietitian and I look forward to some meal plans and suggestions. I want to do more meal prep for breakfasts for sure. Thank you for your encouragement to eat healthier!

My anxiety is OUT OF CONTROL right now. I take anxiety medication every day, and also have emergency anxiety medication, but it's not helping today. I spent part of the day crying and lying in bed before I realized that would just make things worse. So I got up and watched some motivational videos for when life just feels shitty.

I binged this afternoon. I was so angry with myself. BINGEING WON'T FIX IT. BINGEING WON'T FIX IT. omg. I HATE I still struggle with this so much. I tried eating super heatlhy all day and it didn't matter. I still had major cravings and desire to binge this afternoon due to the extreme anxiety.

I need to keep trying. Keep going. Never give up. But it just feels hopeless.

So sorry you are suffering like this

Just acknowledge your feelings and move on.

Next time just take 20 seconds to feel and understand that you need to binge. Then take the food you crave and sit down with a cup of coffee and the food and eat it. Let the binge help you relax rather than fighting it and causing higher anxiety levels. Afterwards sit and see how you feel mentally and physically. Giving yourself permission to take care of yourself and slowing it all down hopefully will stop it adding to your anxiety.

You might feel calmer but yucky from what you ate, so next time plan a different binge food.

If you can turn the binge into something positive it will have less of a hold.

Jx

Thank you for your kindness. I will try.

S DAY

W: 234.4 (weighed after lunch, so definitely two meals worth of food in my body, but I am trying to get back to my original boundaries and that included weighing daily)

B: Atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers + 1 cup strawberries

L: Eggy in the Basket: 2 pieces whole wheat bread + 2 eggs + 1TBS butter, salt/pepper + 2 mini cucumbers + 1 red bell peper + ranch + banana

S: steak and cheese taquito (we had snacks on the way to a friend's house)

D: 1.5 dinner rolls with cinnamon butter + 9 grilled shrimp + apple sauce + a bit of seasoned rice + 3/4 of a baked potato with butter and sour cream

Calories: 2214
(I logged my calories after eating today just to see where I am. Probably won't do this everyday, but since we ate our tonight with friends, it was good to see where I am. My tdee = 2080 so I am above that. Good to remind myself that a day like this every now and then will not sabotage my progress. A day like this multiple times a week totally would. Good to see in accountable reality).

I am so tired. I am tired of life at the moment. But I'm trying to move through this day without another breakdown. I've got lots of packing to do since we have the time today and tomorrow. I'm hoping I can get busy with that and not think about food constantly.

I also did more research into insulin resistance and it looks like NOT snacking is actually better for it than the spread out throughout the day eating. I am so damn tired of thinking about food constantly. I wish so badly that I could get a glp-1medication, but my insurance doesn't cover it.

I'm honestly thinking after my crazy difficult eating month that my original boundaries really were the best mentally as well as physically. I am toying with the idea of having my S treats at meals instead of snacks, but I think keeping my original boundaries the same really are the best.
----------
1:02pm - I got lots of packing done this morning and am thankfully feeling a lot better than I have the past few days. The anxiety is at a low simmer vs. a full on eruption. Manageable in other words, unlike the past week. But. I have an excruciating headache and I'm not sure why. AND we're out of ibuprofen, so that is no fun. I'm going to rest during my daughter's naptime and then pack more later.

6:14pm - I did it. I got back on track and had a normal S day. We ate out with friends tonight and I definitely got over full, but I don't feel the need to say What the Hell and make it worse. I'm so thankful my anxiety was better today and that I was able to get back on track with food!!

I am sorry you are struggling so much at the moment. It's so frustrating that getting back to a once good plan seems so hard right now. I love the mantra's from your previous post. Don't be too hard on yourself. I hope you feel in control again soon!

Girl, you’re not alone. I just randomly thought about this site and hope you don’t mind it if I pop in. I honestly relate to EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU WRITE - from the crushing anxiety, the stress, life being overwhelming and the ensuing binges. I get a handle on it, somehow believe I’ll never be like that again, only to be stress snacking later on that day. It’s brutal and f@&king exhausting. I don’t have a solution but wanted you to know there is someone out there who completely and utterly understands. I also wish I could just turn off the stupid food noise! Some days it’s so quiet I believe I’m cured, others it’s so bad I wish I could take a low dose glp just to turn it off. So then I think about No S…and remember when I started it (almost 20 years ago!!!!!) that it was absolutely brutal at first to forego snacks, it felt like some kind of insane torture… but I persevered and eventually came through on the other side- it just went away, didn’t bother me anymore. I need to get back to that place, but it feels honestly impossible. Ughhhh

There with ya <3

Ellis - I am sorry you are struggling so much at the moment. It's so frustrating that getting back to a once good plan seems so hard right now. I love the mantra's from your previous post. Don't be too hard on yourself. I hope you feel in control again soon!

Sinnie - Girl, you’re not alone. I just randomly thought about this site and hope you don’t mind it if I pop in. I honestly relate to EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU WRITE - from the crushing anxiety, the stress, life being overwhelming and the ensuing binges. I get a handle on it, somehow believe I’ll never be like that again, only to be stress snacking later on that day. It’s brutal and f@&king exhausting. I don’t have a solution but wanted you to know there is someone out there who completely and utterly understands. I also wish I could just turn off the stupid food noise! Some days it’s so quiet I believe I’m cured, others it’s so bad I wish I could take a low dose glp just to turn it off. So then I think about No S…and remember when I started it (almost 20 years ago!!!!!) that it was absolutely brutal at first to forego snacks, it felt like some kind of insane torture… but I persevered and eventually came through on the other side- it just went away, didn’t bother me anymore. I need to get back to that place, but it feels honestly impossible. Ughhhh

There with ya <3

Ellis - Thank you, friend, for the encouragement. I am definitely doing better today -- with food and with my anxiety. It helps.

Sinnie - OMG your words...I relate to them SO much. Thank you for sharing your struggles and the hope of your No S journey! It IS like an insane torture sometimes not to snack, sweet, second, or BINGE. It's why I can't do vanilla No S. I would always ALWAYS binge on S days and it never got better. So I have to do my No S + Mods situation. I keep chasing that wonderful Green/Yellow February that I was able to do. I have to tell myself, if I can do it with February, I can do it now.

S DAY

W: 233 lbs

B: Atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

L: honey buttered croissant + 1 buffalo chicken wrap + French fries + ranch dressing + a few chips and a bit of salsa and a tiny bit of spinach dip

S: banana, 6 peanut butter crackers, atkins shake

S: Granola bar

D: 1 buffalo chicken wrap + cucumbers + cherry tomatoes + apple + ranch

S: bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream with husband

B: atkins shake + 6 peanut butter crackers

Had a Binge. It is what it is.

L:

D:

I have had excruciating headaches for days in a row because of all the stress I'm currently under. I am dealing with house stress, work stress, family stress, mental health stress, and eating stress. It's too much and I want to run away. I am happy we had a good weekend for sure. It was nice. Got some stuff done, but also got some rest which was good. But today, all I want to do is BINGE. I want to eat everything in the entire world. And for a while, it would feel good and make me happy. But I know in the longterm, it's just another sabotage. I don't know how to get through these tough, difficult, anxiety-inducing weeks without it.

I have ZERO energy to combat this binge eating issue right now. It's not at the top of my to-tackle list. It should be. I know Overeaters Anonymous would say to make it the absolute top priority over everything else. But I am just drowning. My head is killing me. I'm stressed about family stuff, packing stuff, house stuff, work stress, and my eating. I don't know how to fight in all the arenas at once. I'm so tired.