Everyday Systems

My plan for tomorrow.

B: oatmeal with soy milk and maple syrup + peanut butter + nuts

L: leftover angel hair pasta with meat sauce and red pepper flakes and grated parmesan cheese

D: not sure yet.

Hope your plan went well!

Green so far.

W: 209 lbs

B: oatmeal + soy milk + maple syrup + chia seeds + flax seed + sliced almonds + peanut butter + strawberries + apple (this breakfast was INSANELY filling. I was definitely stuffed at the end. It made me freaked that it was a million calories, but I'm trying to lower my cholesterol, so I know a breakfast like this is helpful.)

L: Eating out with husband (not sure where yet)

D: Leftover angel hair pasta with meat sauce and grated parmesan cheese

Hi Sammy!

Im glad my observations and experience could be helpful for you!

Congrats on another green so far day! We are almost to the S days!

Well done on pre-planning and focusing on the habits!

Yummy parmesan cheese!

Yeeh for your green day! The meals sound delicious!

Okay, I have an update. I started writing this post this morning, but ended up deleting it while I gathered my thoughts! So, my husband and dietitian have been encouraging me to continue recovering from my orthorexia and binge eating disorder. My goal right now CANNOT be weight loss. I need to get into the rhythm of feeding myself JUST the right amount. Not too much, not too little. So! In that effort, I'm not going to be doing No S right now. I'm paying my dietitian to help me recover, so I'm going to do what she says. And right now, she wants me focusing on eating 3 meals and no snacks. And when I have meals at home, making them according to the healthy plate (the Harvard Healthy Plate basically). My dietitian doesn't want me weighing myself, so every quarter, I will take measurements and photos. As well, I will only be weighed at the doctor's office. I just cannot live life focusing on the scale. It drives me insane and keeps me shackled to weight loss ideals.

So! All of that being said, here is what I ate today.

B: Overnight oats: 1/2 cup rolled oats + 1/2 cup unsweetened soy milk + 2 TBS sugar free syrup + 1/2 cup blueberries + 1 TBS flax seed + 1 TBS chia seeds

L: 1 piece dark chocolate + apple + 2 giant dill pickle halves + 1 piece cold pepperoni pizza + 1 piece (minus crust) of a cheese steak pizza + red pepper flakes

D: Homemade beef stroganoff with broccoli, onions, and mushrooms in the sauce + egg noodles + a couple slices bell pepper + most of 1 fuji apple

I was stuffed after this day of eating. I know I need to practice the abundance principle and have lighter meals, but I'll get there. My goal right now is just to practice the habit of 3 meals every day. I know I can do this. I would MUCH rather do this than count calories or any other "accounting" diet. This is something I believe I can really practice and keep up.

It sounds like you have a solid plan and lots of support from your dietician and husband, which is great! And focusing on the habit is an excellent strategy, just hang in there with it - you got this!

Amy3010 wrote: Thu Jul 31, 2025 5:48 am It sounds like you have a solid plan and lots of support from your dietician and husband, which is great! And focusing on the habit is an excellent strategy, just hang in there with it - you got this!

Agreed.

Great you have support at home and naturally we will support you here too. 3 meals a day is the biggest part of Nos habit building.

Not weighing if it triggers you makes sense.

I did my best at weight loss when I focussed on health not wright.

You are on the right track

Jx

Sounds like a good plan! I know it's tough, but it will be so worth it!

I love good husbands. Can I make that into a T-shirt?

automatedeating wrote: Sat Aug 02, 2025 10:59 am I love good husbands. Can I make that into a T-shirt?

Works for me!

The three meals a day thing is going SUPER well. It definitely just makes my life Much easier. And knowing I can have a small dessert with the meals is a nice treat. It makes all of this much easier. I eventually do want to work on having smaller meals, but right now, just focusing on the habit of it all is enough. I'm on day four and it's going crazy well.

Great to hear 3 meals is working!
When do you have the meals?

I had big issue stretching the meals across the day, trying to push dinner later so i wouldnt have night cravings which are really hard to control. But it didnt work.

Turns out, the opposite works: if i have dinner really early, like no later than 5-6pm , slight but manageble hunger settles in during early evening and fasting state begins by later in the evening and what was once irresistible need to have sips of milk or fruit or candy very late, dissapeared entirely.

I've had green days for 5/7 days, so I'm getting there. I really love this way of eating and knowing I can have a sweet with any meal I like. I know I'll need to reduce the amount I'm eating eventually, but I'll get there. Habit first.

This reminds me a lot of the eating pattern that worked well for Sinnie for many years. She always seemed happiest that way, too.

automatedeating wrote: Tue Aug 05, 2025 10:27 pm This reminds me a lot of the eating pattern that worked well for Sinnie for many years. She always seemed happiest that way, too.

I may not lose a lot of weight, but it is so relieving to eat this way. I hope someday I'll lose, but this is a really important start.

B: 6 lance peanut butter crackers + atkins shake

L: 3 beer battered small fish filets + 1 giant dill pickle halves + 1 apple + hot sauce + heath cookie + cheddar PB crackers + chocolate (I really went overboard here, but I'm just being honest in reporting.)

D: chips and salsa + refried beans + most of a barbacoa burrito + most of a piece of oreo cake

I am definitely worrying about not getting enough to eat. I know this is a psychological eating disordered symptom. I have been yo yo dieting since I was 13 years old (I've mentioned I'm 37 currently) and my brain remembers all the times I ate in deficits to lose weight. I'm trying to trust that the worry I won't be full will go away with time and with continued, clockwork-3-meal eating. When I meet with my dietitian today, I'm going to talk to her about how I can adopt an abundance principle with eating so I don't worry I won't have enough. I feel really guilty and ashamed that I struggle with this -- especially when there are really people out there who are ACTUALLY starving. I want to eat MODERATE, normal meals and believe that I will have enough. Did any of you struggle with this?

My meeting with my dietitian went well. She said the worry I won't be full will go away with time. She really believes we're headed into he right direction, especially with the three meals. Tomorrow, my goal will be single plate meals.

Today, I was greeted on the scale by the largest number I've ever seen on myself. I currently weigh 215.2 lbs. I never EVER thought I would see a number like that. I am so ashamed and upset with myself. At lunch, my husband brought up my crazy portions lately. I wish I could dig a hole and throw myself in. I hate my body. I hate that I've let myself get to this point. I know I have eating disorders, but I still feel 100% responsible for this godawful mess. I've got to do something. I can't get any fatter. I just can't.

B: atkins shake, 6 peanut butter crackers, 1 minature rice krispee chocolate bar (Halloween size)

L: all but 1 bite of two shrimp tempura sushi rolls with soy sauce + half a ginger dressing salad + small bowl of egg drop soup and crunchies (lunch date with my husband)

D: pineapple + cheese tortellini and vodka sauce with red pepper flakes and grated parmesan cheese + tiny bit of leftover oreo cake

Hey, I think we all know that feeling. Please don't panic or you will have a rebound.

There can be all sorts of reasons for scales to go up. You know you need to think long term.

Stick with the 3 meals but maybe look at the size of portions on just one meal for a week. Choose the one where you know if you get hungry you can ride it out until the next meal.

I can't remember but do you exercise, maybe throw in a 10 minute walk after dinner too.

Hang on in there you will make it!

Jx

Soprano wrote: Fri Aug 08, 2025 5:36 am Hey, I think we all know that feeling. Please don't panic or you will have a rebound.

There can be all sorts of reasons for scales to go up. You know you need to think long term.

Stick with the 3 meals but maybe look at the size of portions on just one meal for a week. Choose the one where you know if you get hungry you can ride it out until the next meal.

I can't remember but do you exercise, maybe throw in a 10 minute walk after dinner too.

Hang on in there you will make it!

Jx

Right now I'm just trying to get the habit of 3 meals down. Then I will start trying to add in exercise. I have to take baby steps. I usually do ALL the THINGS all at ONCE. This time, I'm trying to slowly build the habits so taht they will hopefully stick.

I'm leaving for a work retreat today. I hope I'll be able to stick to 3 meal plan.

B: 1/2 cup rolled oats, 1/2 cup unsweetened soy milk, 1 tbs ground flax, 1 tbs chia seeds, 3 tbs sugar free maple syrup, 1/2 cup blueberries, 1 tbs cocoa powder + sliced almonds, chocolate chips

L: Filet-o-fish sandwich, medium fries, tiny krakel rice chocolate piece. (Had to do fast food, tried to do it more healthfully)

D: Chicken alfredo + side salad + piece of garlic bread

I'm trapped in a cabin with all my work colleagues. Send help. >:( I just want to be at home with my family. I am not a fan of work travel.

The scale can be so demotivating, but sticking to your plan is important. Building new habits takes time.

Yeah, right now I'm trying to just stick to plan.

Retreat is actually going well and the food they bought for it has been fairly normal. And because people are around, not-snacking is no problem (I tend to binge and eat when it's secret). So sticking to plan is going really well. Dinner last night turned out really nice! I'll go update that entry in a second.

B: Everything bagel with cream cheese + 2 cups of coffee with half n half and toffee stevia

L: Turkey sandwich (lettuce, mayo, mustard, tomato, cheese, turkey on white bread) + chips (dill pickle + sour cream & onion) + MnM cookie

D: Seafood boil = shrimp, corn, potatoes, sausage, veggies + spicy seasoning - - dear god, this was INCREDIBLE. My colleagues made it and I ain't ashamed to say that I had three servings. Oh. Man. No regrets.

B: a French toast bagel with cream cheese + cup of coffee with half n half and toffee stevia

L: boneless Buffalo wings + ranch dip + fries + piece of garlic buttered toast (Had to do Zaxby's on the way home from my work retreat)

A: wine cooler

D: eggs + sausage patties + buttery grits + two biscuits and jelly + part of an apple + chocolate pieces

Still doing well building the habit of 3 Meals a day. My goal is to get through this month doing the 3 Meals without adding more restriction. In September, my goal will be to limit my meals to one plate and work more on portions. Slow habit building is the key, I think.

B: 2 small biscuits with butter and honey + almost two apples

L: personal pepperoni pizza + chocolate + cheezits (not healthy at all, but I was craving it)

D: chips and salsa (a lot), a piece of garlic bread, and a third of a bowl of shrimp Cajun pasta

B: 2 cookies, chocolate, ninja creami (chocolate banana nice cream with some chocolate chips and a fiber one brownie thrown in) - zero sugar chocolate sauce. I ate maybe a 1/3 of the nina creami container (I was craving this and since I don't have desserts or snacks outside of meals anymore, I made this an indulgent breakfast).

L: a personal pepperoni pizza, cheese + pb crackers (6), an apple, 1 cookie (still indulging at meals, but all I care about right now is keeping the 3 meal structure)

Binge: sour cream and onion Pringles + extra cheesy cheezits, sour skittles (I'm very disappointed in myself. We're under a lot of stress right now and I failed myself. )

D: leftover shrimp Cajun pasta + 6 toast-chee crackers + more sour skittles

We are under some massive stress in our life right now. And just due to life circumstances, I am feeling lonely and sad and like I'm no one's priority. My husband is under massive stress at work and with an ailing family member. Our lives may be majorly changing very soon and I'm scared about the future. And I did what I do best. I ate about it. I'm ashamed I let myself fail my day by binge eating. But tomorrow is a new day. Fresh with no mistakes in it. I'll just start again.

Hi Sammybunny! It looks like you are doing so well! Good for you! I love how gentle your approach is with the simple goals and very minimal restrictions.I need to get back on that as well. I really think that is the way to go.

I know a binge feels disappointing but you are doing such a good job! Being under stress is so difficult, especially when forming new habits and for me, binges still help me soothe myself. Right now its just what is needed. Try not to feel too disappointed or discouraged!

I can't believe you have a work retreat at a cabin! I was talking to our librarians at our college and apperently they also do a weekend retreat at a cabin! Our department does not.

pinkhippie wrote: Tue Aug 12, 2025 11:33 pm Hi Sammybunny! It looks like you are doing so well! Good for you! I love how gentle your approach is with the simple goals and very minimal restrictions.I need to get back on that as well. I really think that is the way to go.

I know a binge feels disappointing but you are doing such a good job! Being under stress is so difficult, especially when forming new habits and for me, binges still help me soothe myself. Right now its just what is needed. Try not to feel too disappointed or discouraged!

I can't believe you have a work retreat at a cabin! I was talking to our librarians at our college and apperently they also do a weekend retreat at a cabin! Our department does not.

Thank you so much, Pink, for your kind encouragement. I am feeling like a total failure today in more than one way. Stress is really getting to me. I know bingeing is a way my body is seeking out comfort. But it still makes me feel upset with myself.

W: 214.8 (mortifying)

B: Bojangles biscuit + 4 bo rounds + 2 Publix chocolate chip cookies + 5 pieces of giant hershey dark chocolate

L:

D:

I am ashamed of myself. My weight is continuing to climb and I have no where to go except morbid obesity. I am so embarrassed about my size. I was at a work summit yesterday and they were giving away prizes and I was literally praying my name wouldn't be called so i didn't have to walk across the stage in front of everyone. I literally look 30 weeks pregnant from the side. I hate my body and I hate myself that I can't get my fucking eating under control. I feel like an alcoholic. But at least with alcohol, you can stop drinking it completely. I wish I could just stop eating and be done with it.

Sending some digital support to you! It's really hard to not binge when you are under a lot of stress. I can totally relate to everything you say. It feels impossible to find that balance between weightloss and not feeling deprived.

Sammybunny711 wrote: Thu Aug 14, 2025 1:32 pm W: 214.8 (mortifying)

B: Bojangles biscuit + 4 bo rounds + 2 Publix chocolate chip cookies + 5 pieces of giant hershey dark chocolate

L:

D:

I am ashamed of myself. My weight is continuing to climb and I have no where to go except morbid obesity. I am so embarrassed about my size. I was at a work summit yesterday and they were giving away prizes and I was literally praying my name wouldn't be called so i didn't have to walk across the stage in front of everyone. I literally look 30 weeks pregnant from the side. I hate my body and I hate myself that I can't get my fucking eating under control. I feel like an alcoholic. But at least with alcohol, you can stop drinking it completely. I wish I could just stop eating and be done with it.

But you weigh less than a week ago?

Soprano wrote: Thu Aug 14, 2025 4:28 pm
But you weigh less than a week ago?

My weight is fluctuating by about 3 pounds around the 215 area. Either way, I can look at what I'm eating and know I'm "being an idiot" as the No S book would say. I just feel so hopeless about it all. I also am dealing with so much major life stress right now that nothing feels like it matters.

Ellis wrote: Thu Aug 14, 2025 2:07 pm Sending some digital support to you! It's really hard to not binge when you are under a lot of stress. I can totally relate to everything you say. It feels impossible to find that balance between weightloss and not feeling deprived.

Thank you for the support.

Sammybunny711 wrote: Thu Aug 14, 2025 5:27 pm

Soprano wrote: Thu Aug 14, 2025 4:28 pm
But you weigh less than a week ago?

My weight is fluctuating by about 3 pounds around the 215 area. Either way, I can look at what I'm eating and know I'm "being an idiot" as the No S book would say. I just feel so hopeless about it all. I also am dealing with so much major life stress right now that nothing feels like it matters.

It's really hard to lose weight when you are stressed, keep building your habit. If you are pretty much staying the same weight that is a win for now.

Jx

Had another binge today. I tried to talk myself through the urges. I tried. But I am feeling so stressed out, I tell myself, "even a little bit of comfort is something, especially when comfort is in short supply right now". -_- I have GOT to get to where I can just dismiss the order to binge. It's so strong, all the time right now. I feel like I'm dealing with food noise CONSTANTLY at the moment. It's miserable.

I started listening to the audiobook Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey. It's an alternative to 12 Stepping for addiction recovery. I'm hoping it can help me. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope.

Sammy, I hear how you are struggling - hang in there! Kathryn Hansen wrote a book based on Jack Trimpey's work, specifically for bingeing, which I found very helpful in the past. She also has a podcast; both are called "Brain over Binge": https://brainoverbinge.com/ Hang in there - every step, no matter how small, is a step towards getting to where you want to be.

Today, I had binged before 9:00am even rolled around. I'm now bingeing openly at work. I'm buying food in secret with a card my husband does not monitor. Things are really dark and bleak right now. I just want to fall into a hole and never crawl back out.

Unfortunately we can't help you other than suporting you from here. Did you contact your therapist and/or dietician?

Ellis wrote: Fri Aug 15, 2025 7:41 pm Unfortunately we can't help you other than suporting you from here. Did you contact your therapist and/or dietician?

Yes, my therapist and dietitian are aware. I'm doing everything I can today to white-knuckle it through the remainder of the day. I had a normal lunch and so far, no snacking this afternoon. I am GOING to conquer this. I have got to get better coping skills so that I'm not turning to food every time. The Rational Recovery book is helping. I'm trying to identify the "addictive voice" and recognizing that it can't make me do anything. It's just an annoying voice in my mind. Not an action in and of itself.

There is a school of thought that carb addiction drives bingeing. We eat carbs we get a shot of insulin, blood sugar drops we crave carbs. Vicious circle ensues.

When I gave up most carbs I found my binge tendancies disappeared. I still got stressed occasionally and wanted to binge but if I stick to 90% dark chocolate, nuts or cheese then it soon passed and I didn't eat half as much.

Perhaps try binging on high fat or high protein foods.


Jx

I'm definitely in the high carb, low fat camp. I have high cholesterol and when I go low carb, I feel extremely nauseous all the time. My body loves plant based living, but I won't go full vegan again due to my eating disorders. Not good for me tk cut out food groups. And I do still consume fat, but I try not to consume too much.

Soprano wrote: Thu Aug 14, 2025 4:28 pm

Sammybunny711 wrote: Thu Aug 14, 2025 1:32 pm W: 214.8 (mortifying)

B: Bojangles biscuit + 4 bo rounds + 2 Publix chocolate chip cookies + 5 pieces of giant hershey dark chocolate

L:

D:

I am ashamed of myself. My weight is continuing to climb and I have no where to go except morbid obesity. I am so embarrassed about my size. I was at a work summit yesterday and they were giving away prizes and I was literally praying my name wouldn't be called so i didn't have to walk across the stage in front of everyone. I literally look 30 weeks pregnant from the side. I hate my body and I hate myself that I can't get my fucking eating under control. I feel like an alcoholic. But at least with alcohol, you can stop drinking it completely. I wish I could just stop eating and be done with it.

But you weigh less than a week ago?

.

You are dealing with a lot at the moment and quite rightly trying first to establish the good habits. My concern is the food as in the above post is making it hard for you to cope with your new habit whilst other things are stressing you. Is there a less processed carb you can think of to have at breakfast in place of those choices for instance oats with milk and yoghurt maybe a few nuts and seeds sprinkled on?

Or eggs on toast?

Bacon roll.

Just a thought, not judging you, I've been there and understand

Jx

Soprano wrote: Mon Aug 18, 2025 8:45 am
You are dealing with a lot at the moment and quite rightly trying first to establish the good habits. My concern is the food as in the above post is making it hard for you to cope with your new habit whilst other things are stressing you. Is there a less processed carb you can think of to have at breakfast in place of those choices for instance oats with milk and yoghurt maybe a few nuts and seeds sprinkled on?

Or eggs on toast?

Bacon roll.

Just a thought, not judging you, I've been there and understand

Jx

I'm definitely trying to shift my eating to be more healthy and balanced to help with satiety. Thank you all for your kind reassurance and support!

I am listening to three books that I am confident are going to change my stars when it comes to binge eating and overeating. I'm listening to Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey (and LOVING it). 12 stepping is NOT my thing and RR really hits at the people who didn't do well in 12 Step fellowships and offers them an alternative to addiction recovery. I'm also listening to Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen (2nd Edition) and oh man. This book is hitting me WHERE I LIVE internally. Her story is so moving and inspiring. It's getting at neuroplasticity and the ability of the brain to break habits. I'm also about to listen to/read Never Binge Again by Glenn Livingston. They all sort of deal with the same approach to addiction recovery -- ie, practicing Additive Voice Recognition Technique. It is a game changer.

I'm also slowly trying to eat less at meals, but ALWAYS giving myself the option of filling myself up fully to comfort myself and prove that I CAN get enough to eat and I don't need to worry about scarcity.

B: 1/2 cup rolled oats + 1/2 cup unsweetened soy milk + 1 TBS chia seeds + 1 TBS ground flax + 3 TBS sugar free syrup + 1/2 cup blueberries + 1 cup strawberries + 2 TBS chocolate chips + 5 small pieces chocolate (I'm giving myself permission still to eat dessert at each meal if I want. Eventually, I will start reducing this, but right now I need it.)

L: 3 pieces fish + some air fried potatoes with seasonings (no oil) + 1 cup strawberries + 1 apple + hot sauce + chocolate

D:

Sammy so great to read such a positive post.

If you notice your changing eating habits having a positive impact on mood do stop and acknowledge those feelings.

So sure you will sort this

Jx

Soprano wrote: Tue Aug 19, 2025 6:05 pm Sammy so great to read such a positive post.

If you notice your changing eating habits having a positive impact on mood do stop and acknowledge those feelings.

So sure you will sort this

Jx

Thank you, friend! I am giving myself lots of grace. When I view my eating difficulties as simply bad habits (i.e. the brain working just as it is intended -- i.e. creating efficient pathways with repeated behavior), it takes a lot of the personal shame and disgust out of it. It's just the brain doing what it evolved to do! And guess what? Bad habits can be BROKEN. I have broken other bad habits. As well, this might sound dark, but something else occurred to me today and it REALLY encouraged me. I have bipolar I disorder and deal yearly with at least 1 major depressive episode (usually). I often have to deal with suicidal thoughts. The most recent time I was depressed (for weeks at a time, over a month), I had to learn to completely ignore the suidical thoughts. I had to label them as "not real" and "neurological junk" and completely ignored them. They would surface and I would say, "Yep, uh huh. nice try. I know you're not real." And it helped SOOOOOO much. It got me through my depressive episode without giving any credence to those suicidal thoughts. I'm going to apply the same thing to my binge and dieting urges. When they arise, I'm going to say, "Ah huh. Nice try. You're not real. You're just neurological junk." and move on with my day!! If I can be successful against suicidal urges (which have WAY higher stakes), I know I can be successful with the toothless tiger of binge eating urges.

You are one strong lady!!

Yes give yourself grace. Take it one step at a time. Habits can be changed.

Jx

I am so sorry to hear that you regularly have to deal with suicidal thoughts, but I admire the way you have learned to manage them. And brilliant that you are going to use the same approach to dismiss binge thoughts! How are things going?

I am still listening to Rational Recovery and reading Never Binge Again and working on my personal eating rules. So things are... In limbo right now.

Hey Sammy, Im so sorry to hear that things are rough right now. I really relate to praying your name doesn't get called so you don't have to walk up to the front in front of everyone. I hate door prizes! My work does a random name generator now so even if you don't put your name in, you could get called.

I have heard good things about the Jack Trimpey book. I hope it is helping you!

pinkhippie wrote: Tue Sep 02, 2025 8:26 pm Hey Sammy, Im so sorry to hear that things are rough right now. I really relate to praying your name doesn't get called so you don't have to walk up to the front in front of everyone. I hate door prizes! My work does a random name generator now so even if you don't put your name in, you could get called.

I have heard good things about the Jack Trimpey book. I hope it is helping you!

Thanks, Pink. In the end, I gave Rational Recovery 3/5 stars. It had some good points, but it wasn't the greatest, honestly. He also was very dismissive of childhood and adulthood trauma. Which was very annoying.

I'm still working to stick to 3 meals.

Today's food:

B: 8pm -- 4 blueberry muffins, atkins shake, 3 pieces fish with hot sauce (VERY odd breakfast, but this darn thing kept me full well up to 2pm)

L: 2pm -- 2 chicken tenders, some sour cream and onion pringles, a crunch bar, a very large apple

D: 6pm -- half bowl shepherd's pie + green monster smoothe (baby spinach, frozen banana, frozen blueberries, chia seeds, pbfit powder, 2 plumcots, soy milk) + 1 small chocolate chip cookies

My dietitian and I are still working on the three meals a day thing. Some days I'm successful, some days I'm not. I'm also trying VERY hard to have a green smoothie every day because it's the only way I'll reliably get so many greens and fruits in at one time. I'm loving it. I've had one every day for 3 nearly 4 days and it feels like such a healthy treat.

Well done on sticking to your three meals, Sammy! The smoothies sound great!

Amy3010 wrote: Thu Sep 04, 2025 5:11 am Well done on sticking to your three meals, Sammy! The smoothies sound great!

The smoothie is HUGE. It's crazy filling.

B: 8:00am
- overnight oats with (rolled oats, flax, chia, soy milk, sugar free breakfast syrup, blueberries, chocolate chips, sliced almonds)

L: 4ish (maybe 5) small garlic rolls, angle hair with meat sauce and 2 meat balls, salad with mozarella and garbanzo beans and veggies and house italian dressing (Italian lunch date with my husband) / I was SO hungry at this meal. Which is wild because I had such a substantial breakfast, but some days, it do be like that.

D: my green monster smoothie + butternut squash mac and cheese (homemade)

That smoothy sounds so good! Sounds like you are doing pretty well! Do you have like a limit of what you can eat per meal or do you just eat until full?

Ellis wrote: Thu Sep 04, 2025 4:59 pm That smoothy sounds so good! Sounds like you are doing pretty well! Do you have like a limit of what you can eat per meal or do you just eat until full?

The smoothie IS good. I'm really enjoying it. I am looking forward to it every day. Tonight I'm having it with dinner (normally I try to have it with lunch).

Yeah, I'm basically putting NO limits on my meals. I eat until I am either full or stuffed depending on the day. Right now, my whole goal is just to stick with the 3 meal structure, which means I'm allowing large meals and a dessert with each meal (my dietitian and I are on the same page). Eventually, my goal will be to limit meals to one plate, but that's far in the future. I cannot focus on weight loss right now. I've GOT to focus on recovery from my eating disorders. That has to be the priority.

It's great that you have a robust plan and support. It sounds like a really sensible idea given your eating disorder and will pay huge benefits in the future keep at it.

Jx

Soprano wrote: Thu Sep 04, 2025 7:29 pm It's great that you have a robust plan and support. It sounds like a really sensible idea given your eating disorder and will pay huge benefits in the future keep at it.

Jx

Thanks so much, friend! I'm hanging in there. Listening to hunger and realizing I'm usually only hungry at meals is definitely helping.

B: 8:00am
- overnight oats with (rolled oats, flax, chia, soy milk, sugar free breakfast syrup, blueberries, chocolate chips, sliced almonds)

L: 4ish (maybe 5) small garlic rolls, angle hair with meat sauce and 2 meat balls, salad with mozarella and garbanzo beans and veggies and house italian dressing (Italian lunch date with my husband) / I was SO hungry at this meal. Which is wild because I had such a substantial breakfast, but some days, it do be like that.

Binge: 2 small tins if pringles chips, kinder bueno (2 bars), chocolate chip cookie

D: my green monster smoothie

Ugh. At least I ended the day with a good-for-me item. I am so frustrated that I binged this afternoon. I don't see my dietitian untt he 15th, so I am on my own until then. I've GOT to do better. I wasn't even upset or anything. I had had a good day. Uggggfhhhhhhhh

Don't be too hard on yourself, Sammy, you've been doing great, this is just a small blip. Keep up the great work and fueling your body with all the nutrients in those healthy smoothies!

B: Overnight oats: (1/2 cup oats, 1/2 cup soy milk, 1 TBS flax, 1 TBS chia seeds, 3 TBS sugar free breakfast syrup, strawberries, blueberries, chocolate chips). This is my favorite overnight oats recipe. It is so satisfying, filling, and delicious.

L:

D:

Hi

I wonder if the binge was driven by the late lunch. That was a long wait and you said you were hungry at lunch. If it happens again perhaps plan a small snack to put you on. I used to have a handful of nuts or some fruit in those circumstances.

Give your self grace don't sweat it. You will not get there being perfect every day but consistently trying will help you succeed

Jx

Soprano wrote: Fri Sep 05, 2025 1:56 pm Hi

I wonder if the binge was driven by the late lunch. That was a long wait and you said you were hungry at lunch. If it happens again perhaps plan a small snack to put you on. I used to have a handful of nuts or some fruit in those circumstances.

Give your self grace don't sweat it. You will not get there being perfect every day but consistently trying will help you succeed

Jx

I actually put hte wrong time on lunch. I ate lunch around 1pm yesterday. Today I had lunch at 12 and it was way easier to stop and listen to my body's cues.

B: Overnight oats: (1/2 cup oats, 1/2 cup soy milk, 1 TBS flax, 1 TBS chia seeds, 3 TBS sugar free breakfast syrup, strawberries, blueberries, chocolate chips). This is my favorite overnight oats recipe. It is so satisfying, filling, and delicious.

L: Green smoothie (baby spinach + soy milk + frozen banana + frozen blueberries + nectarine + pbfit powder + chia seeds) + 1 small chocolate chip cookie + some flavored rice cakes + 3 pieces small battered fish with hot sauce (I have been craving hot and spicy foods with all this sinus pressure and drainage I've been having)

S: nutty butter bar x2

D: smoked hot dog and bun with mustard and ketchup + red beans and rice (side) + corn bread dressing (side)

A: spiked blue raspberry lemonade

I could be really down on myself that I had a snack, but I'm proud it wasn't a binge. It was one single serve of something and not overeating. So even though I didn't stick with three meals, I didn't binge in the afternoon, so it's a win in my book.

B: 9:00am - overnight oats with blueberries, chia seeds, flax, soy milk, sugar free syrup, and sugar free chocolate chips

L: 1:10pm - 2 butter butter bars + Pb&j + mini sweet chili rice cakes + mini pickles + apples + PB crackers + apple chips (tried to eat lots of low calorie dense foods because I wanted lots of volume and was very hungry)

Snack: nectarine + mini pickles + dark chocolate

D: corned beef hash, home fries with hot sauce, scrambled eggs, two sourdough toasts with butter and jelly

I call that a win too! Small baby steps, it's important! Do you also feel like you can't trust your hunger and fullness cues anymore after dieting for such a long time?

Ellis wrote: Sat Sep 06, 2025 2:20 pm I call that a win too! Small baby steps, it's important! Do you also feel like you can't trust your hunger and fullness cues anymore after dieting for such a long time?

I am working on hunger and fullness cues for sure. I have a fear of hunger after my dieting and orthorexia. So it's hard for me to view hunger as a neutral thing. My dietitian keeps reminding me that hunger isn't am emergency, but she's also good with me having a snack in the afternoons if I need one.

3 Meals is still a challenge. Some days, I'm still bingeing in the afternoons. Afternoons are SO DAMN HARD for me. I have to actively fight each day not to binge in the afternoon. Yesterday was a three meal day and I'm so proud I made it. I'm trying to apply 12 Step philosophy to this. "Just for today, I can eat three meals without snacks" and "progress, not perfection", etc. It's so hard. But I'm fighting 24 years of eating disorder conditioning. It's not going to get better overnight. I've got to be patient.

Well done on your 3 meal day, that's fantastic keep it up. Every one you do is going to make it easier and help develop the habit, just be patient.

Celebrate your wins in a non food way

Jx

Afternoons are definitely hard. You are doing the best you can! You got this!

Hi Sammy! I have been gone from here for awhile, but always end up coming to the realization that 3 meals is likely best. I SO RELATE to everything you write about. I haven’t been able to finish reading your updates since summer, but I wanted to say knowing that someone else struggles so f*%ing bad like I do is comforting (not that I want anyone doing poorly at all, I just feel a relief I’m not alone as it is so maddening and like I’m the only one who suffers like this).

I saw a comment from Auto above that I used to eat like that was peaceful. That triggered my memories and she is so right! Today is day 1 of trying that system again. Here for you. I’ll try to start updating.

Soprano wrote: Sat Sep 13, 2025 6:54 am Well done on your 3 meal day, that's fantastic keep it up. Every one you do is going to make it easier and help develop the habit, just be patient.

Celebrate your wins in a non food way

Jx

Thank you for the encouragement, Soprano! I really appreciate it. This has been a VERY hard journey.

Ellis wrote: Sun Sep 14, 2025 11:10 am Afternoons are definitely hard. You are doing the best you can! You got this!

When I developed binge eating disorder, I always binged in the afternoon when my daughter was asleep for nap. That cemented the habit. Now afternoons are a kind of witching hour and are SO hard to get through.

Sinnie wrote: Sun Sep 14, 2025 1:25 pm Hi Sammy! I have been gone from here for awhile, but always end up coming to the realization that 3 meals is likely best. I SO RELATE to everything you write about. I haven’t been able to finish reading your updates since summer, but I wanted to say knowing that someone else struggles so f*%ing bad like I do is comforting (not that I want anyone doing poorly at all, I just feel a relief I’m not alone as it is so maddening and like I’m the only one who suffers like this).

I saw a comment from Auto above that I used to eat like that was peaceful. That triggered my memories and she is so right! Today is day 1 of trying that system again. Here for you. I’ll try to start updating.

I completely understand, Sinnie. It IS nice to know we're not alone. It can be SO hard and challenging when we feel alone on our journeys. I wish so badly that food could be a simple affair. That I could just eat like a normal person. But I have 24 years of disorder around food that I am fighting off. I know the brain is plastic, but damn I wish it would hurry up and create new pathways already. Nothing for it but to engage in SERIOUSLY hard work and build bridges to new pathways one at a time. We've got this!

B: (at work) 8:10am -- overnight oats: 1/2 cup old fashioned oats, 1 TBS chia seeds, 1 TBS ground flax, 3 TBS sugar free breakfast syrup + 1/2 cup unsweetened soy milk + 1/2 heaping cup frozen blueberries, several TBS sugar free chocolate chips

L: (Home) 12:30pm - 1 piece cold pepperoni pizza minus the crust (leftover) + green monster smoothie (baby spinach, soy milk, frozen banana, frozen blueberries, nectarine) + crunch bar + pringles sour cream and onion chips

D: (Out with friends for a birthday dinner) Jailhouse sushi roll (shrimp tempura sushi with crawfish and toppings with soy sauce) + pork egg roll + mint chocolate chip ice cream in a waffle cone (Super indulgent and delicious)

Since I struggle so much with afternoon eating, especially when I get home from work, but before dinner, I decided to go into my bedroom and journal during the prime time I'm usually tempted. It worked!! I will try this again tomorrow, or choose to do chores right when I get home away from the kitchen.

B: 8:10am (Work) Overnight Oats + blueberries + sugar free chocolate chips

L: 12:43pm (Work) pb &j on sourdough bread + 3 mini pickles + peanut butter filled mini pretzels + apple + 5 chocolate pieces + spicy dill pickle chips

D: 6:40pm (Home) Green monster smothie (baby spinach, chia seeds, pb2 powder, nectarine, frozen banana, frozen blueberries, soy milk) + 2 pieces pepperoni pizza with red pepper flakes + a piece from my daughter's chocolate birthday cake

A larger dinner than maybe I should have had. I wasn't even that hungry. I am shocked how full lunch made me feel for so many hours. This is two days with three meals. Going strong. I am focusing on filling, balanced meals and a sweet treat with each if I need it. If it keeps me from bingeing, it's a WIN.

It sounds like you are really getting a handle on your eating routines - well done!

Well done Sammy, filling up at lunch with the right foods for your body is obviously helping the afternoon snack urge

Jx

We’re on a roll! Great work! I am also two days in with only 3 meals.

Yay for the two day streak! Glad to hear you are starting to get into your routine!

Thanks for all the encouragement, y'all! I really appreciate it.

B: 9:10am (Work) Overnight oats with blueberries and chocolate chips

L: 1:15pm (Work) Quarter pounder with cheese burger + large fries + small mocha frappé

D: 1/2 green beans with onions and bacon + apple sauce + a cup of chili and onions and cheese + 2 buttered dinner rolls + a bite of loaded baked potato

Another three meals day in the book! 3 in a row!

Nice work!

On a roll!!

B: 9:50am (Home) - protein shake + 6 peanut butter malted crackers

L: 1:15pm (Home) - single small bag cheez-its + loaded baked potato + red plum + green monster smoothie + 5 mini pickles + most of a large piece of chocolate cake (leftover from my daughter's birthday)

A: 5:30pm (Home) Jamaica Me Happy wine cooler by Seagrams

D: 6:00 (Home) - 1/4 Peach Balsamic and Basil flatbread (homemade) + 1 piece dark chocolate

I have like 70 journals from my life (not joking, I have journaled my whole life) and I have been seeing my food logs I wrote down back in 2011 when I weighed 136 lbs or so. I ate SO much less than I do now. Seeing my successful three meal days makes me happy, but I have definitely got to start restricting meals to one plate.

I wasn't terribly hungry at dinner, so I ate a 1/4 of the flatbread and had a tiny piece of chocolate and called it a day. Enjoyed a wine cooler while I cooked.

Looking back at your old journals is useful to get insight into what behaviors were making it possible for your body to be at a lower weight back then...but be mindful about restrictive thoughts getting in the way of the progress you are making right now. You are doing really well and working on getting the three meal habit firmly established - this is so valuable long term!

Another three meal day. Tonight, my husband and I got a babysitter and we went on a really fancy date at a fine dining restaurant in our town. It was thoroughly lovely.

I made it five days in a row doing 3 Meals. Huzzah!

Well done, Sammy! So nice to enjoy a fancy meal out with your husband - and it fits perfectly into your three meal plan!

That's Fantastic Sammy, so pleased for you

Jx

You’re doing so amazing! It’s totally motivating for me. That dinner sounds divine. I wish we could do that sometimes!

Thanks, y'all. The dinner was so lovely. It was Mahi mahi fish with a blackberry glaze over cheese polenta and asparagus. My husband and I shared risotto beforehand and bread with olives, olive oil, ans balsamic vinegar. So delicious. I also had a tiramisu martini.

So cool that you've kept those journals and can looking back at them. It also sometimes surpises me to see my old eating habits. I think we can definitely retrain our fullness cues back to the normal. But it takes a while and you have to be careful to not feel deprived. The dinner with your husband sounds so good!

Saturday and Sunday, I didn't do 3 meals, but I didn't binge, so that's something. I'm trying to get back on track today.

Fun fun fun. I have covid. Lovely. I ate a snack today, so I definitely didn't do 3 Meals, but i didn't binge. So yay.

Oh no! I hope you feel better soon

Hope you soon recover

Jx

Thanks y'all. I feel really rotten. Today I have no appetite so far. I'm just going to play it all by ear while I'm sick.

I've lost most of my sense of smell and taste. Did that stop me from overeating today? Nope. Ugh. At least I've stuck with breakfast and lunch so far. No snacking.

B: 8:15am McDonald's (I didn't feel like doing work) - 2 hashbrowns, 2 sausage burritos + hot picante sauce + small mocha frappé.

L: 2:15pm shrimp ramen + mini bag cheezits + pringles + sour skittles (I was searching for flavor since I've lost taste and smell)